Local News

<< Previous   of   Next >>   ADVERTISEMENT   Related Stories • Charles Matheny IV   CONTACT THE HERALD Robert Frank, City Editor frank@heraldnet.com   Published: Wednesday, March 1, 2006 Families find solace in shared grief By Julie Muhlstein / Herald Columnist Vangi Lunsford is a 25-year-old widow. She lives in Batesville, Miss., a small town near the Little Tallahatchie River. She's raising a baby daughter on her own. Call her home and you may hear 18-month-old McKaLyne in the background, crying for her mother's attention. "In our house, we have a life-sized picture of him," Lunsford said of her late husband, Sgt. Audrey Daron Lunsford. A member of the Mississippi Army National Guard, he was killed in Iraq on May 23. "When she asks, 'Where's Da-Da?' I point toward heaven," Lunsford said. In the college town of Millersville, Pa., Pam and Bill Adams are deep in grief. Their son, Sgt. 1st Class Brent Adams, 40, died Dec. 1 in Iraq, leaving his wife and a 4-year-old son. "I liken it to two steps forward, one step back. That hole in your life, you can't replace a child," Pam Adams said. Bill Adams said his son was in the Army National Guard but had signed on for a mission with the Marines. "If he hadn't volunteered, one of his men would have had to. He volunteered to drive to Ramadi, and his vehicle was ambushed on the way back," he said. All over this country, it's the same sad story - day after day. Another account of heroic self-sacrifice. Another family hurting. Another casualty of the war in Iraq. On Feb. 18, this war came close to home when Army Sgt. Charles Matheny IV of Arlington was killed in Baghdad. A fourth-generation serviceman, Matheny, 23, was buried with military honors Monday at Tahoma National Cemetery near Kent. Before the funeral, Matheny's family heard from Lunsford and Pam Adams through the online guest book linked to Matheny's obituary in The Herald. There, along with messages of condolence from fellow soldiers, childhood friends and strangers near and far, are notes from the Pennsylvania couple and the Mississippi widow. They show support for a military family newly united with others in grief. Lunsford shared Psalm 23, saying, "This is a verse that I have found to be comforting. ... If you need anything, please feel free to contact me." Pam Adams wrote: "My heart breaks again as I sign yet another guest book of another courageous young man. ... I know firsthand there are no words right now that will bring you the comfort and peace you need. Just know that you are not alone. ... If you ever want to talk, I'm only an e-mail away." Never before in history have the loved ones of people killed in war been able to reach out so immediately to others suffering the same pain. Pam Adams said Tuesday that she has tried to contact the families of all the soldiers killed since her son's death. "When Brent's service was held, a mother and father who had just buried their own soldier came. They didn't know him or us. It touched us so much. "I don't care how hard it is. I started the day of Brent's death," she said. "I know what it meant to me. People are wonderful." Lunsford, too, has written to all the U.S. military families whose loved ones were killed in 2005. She wants to do the same for families whose losses in Iraq or Afghanistan came in previous years. "I hear back quite often, one out of every two," Lunsford said. She also writes to men and women still in Iraq. She and her daughter recently made 1,300 Valentine's Day cards. "It's something that helps me," she said. Just as Americans in general differ widely in their views of the war, so do those whose loved ones have died in Iraq. "Not a whole lot really talk about the war," Lunsford said. Bill Adams, 59, said he was a pacifist during the Vietnam War, and last year marched in an anti-war demonstration. He disapproves of the war in Iraq, but said he didn't "bring the war into any of Brent's memorial services." After his son's death, Bill Adams said, they heard from many fellow soldiers. "There were numerous comments about how selfless he was, how his men came first," he said. "That, I guess, I will remember most." Pam Adams takes comfort in communicating "with others who actually know how you feel." "We all say the same thing. We all have this need to have others know our sons and daughters, what they were like. I can't explain it; it's just there - a need. "It's healing," she added. "I'll say, 'I need you to hear about Brent.' And they'll say, 'I know, tell me everything.' You don't know unless you've experienced it." Columnist Julie Muhlstein: 425-339-3460 or muhlsteinjulie@heraldnet.com.

1. Recycling a house: Everett home goes to make new memories 2. A year after plane crash, pain still fresh for families 3. McDonalds' deep fryer flares flames in Lynnwood 4. Pumped, preened and primed for the public 5. Driver runs but can't escape trooper 6. Speaking of Paris Hilton ... 7. Everett man's legacy will live on in Lynden 8. Bart knows his fight is tough 9. Cold Case: 'There was no reason' for death 10. Crews respond to power outages 2 - Top 10 Stories Most Talked about 3 - Top 10 Stories Most Emailed

• Cedarcrest's running game, defense stop King's • Shorewood beats Glacier Peak in conference opener • Fernandez named Archbishop boys soccer coach • Team Peggy comes out in force at ALS walk • King's girls poised for threepeat in Pasco • A lifetime together in Lynnwood • The battle over Cascade's student paper • Mill Creek celebrates 25th anniversary • Public hearings scheduled on school closures • Paine Field airline service strongly supported by 71 percent of web surv ... • Verizon launches FiOS TV in Washington State • Leisure Time Events - September 2008 • September 2008 • State needs to establish north county campus to meet growing technology ... • Future software programs may be based online • Visit two unusual Paine Field aviation museums for historic and futurist ... • Mothers launch Kids ‘N’ Clay pottery studio to provide children with cre ...