How to use an umbrella

Umbrellas: the standard accessory of the Northwest. And yet they can be useful for so much more than keeping off the rain.

Use No. 1: Hide your tells during high-stakes poker games. Because, as a former spy-spotter explains, every one gives off clues (Page A2). Use a large, solid-colored umbrella to hide all possible signs that your hand is, yet again, garbage. If that fails, use the long handle to sneak yourself some good cards.

Use No. 2: Disguise your face. A study shows that people tend to elect candidates who have the most reliable- looking face (Page A5). If you're running for office, and aren't blessed with a pleasing visage, it might help to keep a wide range of umbrellas handy to shade your face from the rain, the sun and the eyes of voters.

Use No. 3: Decorate it with a Seahawks logo. Actually, one Seahawks super fan probably has a Hawks umbrella already. He has a motorhome that could easily pass for the official team transport (Page C1). In one recent five-year stretch he didn't miss a single game -- including away games all over the country. If only the Seahawks' drives went that well, the team would be enjoying a trip to sunny Arizona this season.

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