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Hide the kids -- Santa's coming
Posted
at
12:01 am
by Doug Parry, Herald staff
It's the most frightening time of the year. The Carey Brothers put you in the spirit with their annual list of holiday safety tips. Some highlights:
Look for the "fire-resistant" label on artificial trees. If your Christmas tree is from the Roman Candle Tree Co., think about some festive red fire extinguishers for the rest of the room.
Lock doors and windows when you leave. If you live in south Everett, use additional padlocks, chains, security cameras and pit bulls.
Tell guests your fire escape plan. Just to be safe, install a blaring siren and interrupt your dinner parties with fire drills.
Avoid breakable ornaments in homes with small children. For maximum safety, avoid having small children.
Meanwhile, Martha Stewart writes about elegant ways to wrap gifts. Her ideas include decorative doilies, intricate ribbons and gingerbread gift tags. Let’s just say they’re for people with some time on their hands.
One more safety tip: If someone spends hours decorating your gift with snowflake doilies, don’t tear into it like a raccoon in a garbage can. The resulting evil eye can be deadly.
In slightly less scary news, dentists are learning their trade on a cool new robot. When its teeth are drilled, the simulated human says things such as, "Ow, that hurt!" and "I'm OK."
Future models will have built-in excuses for not flossing. They'll also respond to dentists with more realistic patient phrases such as, "Waah aw you twyin to do, kiw me?"
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