Give the economy some love

Some real romantics, and a few bitter cheapskates, have long argued that Valentine’s Day is a Madison Avenue-driven, commercialism-on-steroids invention, rivaling only Christmas as a mandated day to show love through consumerism, manipulating people through guilt and loneliness. Which is why the chocolate is required.

Regardless of your view — beautiful, lacy holiday or insincere, heavy-handed day — this year, due to the confusing and atrophying economy, we encourage everyone to embrace their inner shopper and infuse a little love and cash into the situation this Valentine’s season. (Which, in the stores, started Dec. 26.) Supporting the candy, flower and card businesses can be seen as patriotic this way.

We can’t bring ourselves, however, to encourage anyone to patronize those jewelry stores that advertise on TV with the most cringe-inducing commercials ever conceived.

(For example, did you know the actress Jane Seymour designed an “open heart” necklace for Kay Jewelers? In the commercial, Seymour says humbly, “… my wish is to make my open heart design a universal symbol of hope and love.” For uttering those words, Seymour should be forced to donate all proceeds from any open heart necklace purchases directly back into the economy. That $49.99 could be just the boost we need. By the way, the “open heart” necklace looks like the cardiac surgeons walked out in the middle of surgery. Otherwise, it’s beautiful, in a universal symbol of hope and love kind of way.)

Meanwhile, in 17 states, any ruckus commencing from hearing the phrase “He went to Jared,” is now considered justifiable. Jewelry buying is good for the economy, however, so let’s compromise and shop at those stores that can’t afford on-air advertising.

On a less romantic front, USA Today cheerily tells us that “Cheatin’ hearts pump up economy on Valentine’s Day.” It’s an article about how suspicious partners tend to ratchet up their suspicions around Valentine’s Day and hire private investigators to discover the truth. However, in these challenging economic times, not everyone can afford a private investigator, so people are instead buying the latest spyware technology available to citizens, which, while cheaper, is still a boost to the economy. It’s also sad and depressing. Which is why the chocolate is required. The good stuff.

(The article quotes Ruth Houston, author of the book, “Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs.” We don’t mean sound jaded, but if someone can’t tell by, say Telltale Sign No. 72, that their partner is cheating, maybe it’s time to get their nose out of a book.)

So for the good of the global economy, let your inner Cupid out. He makes for compulsive, er, compelling shopping.

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