This month Seattle’s Child turns 30, and in May my oldest child Sarah will celebrate her 31st birthday. When I got the idea to start a local parenting magazine, I was a newcomer to the rugged terrain of parenthood, so self-interest was my motivation. In addition to having a toddler, I was a stepmom to a 10- and 16-year-old, and I was disappointed by the overly simplistic and meager parenting advice available, plus frustrated with how hard it was to find out about events or issues in the community of interest to families. Way back in 1979, B.I. (Before Internet), Google, blogs and Web sites on every parenting topic under the sun didn’t exist, and there were no parenting sections in bookstores, so information and support were much more difficult to find.
At the start-up, I was joined by three friends and fellow parents – Sonia Cole (design and layout), Diane Bunion (ad sales) and Jody Karr (office/subscriptions) – and the four of us, despite zero publishing experience, managed to get the first issue on the streets on April 1. We were blissfully ignorant of the work it would take to get an issue together month after month. That we worked odd hours and during our kids’ naptimes, took care of each other’s kids and laid out the issue at night on the kitchen table after we wiped off the crumbs (no desktop publishing), was considered a curious novelty. The word “mompreneur” had yet to appear.
Having both edited and parented over the last three decades (my youngest of five children is now 12 years old), I’ve watched parenting trends come, go and come back again, but the underlying concerns remain the same. For example, in our first issue the lead article, “Guilt and Parenting: Missing Out on the Ideal Delivery” was written by a pediatrician struck by the number of parents he’d noticed who, at their baby’s six-week visit, already thought they’d failed as parents, because their baby’s birth was not as “natural” as they’d planned. Subsequent articles in the “guilt” series covered parental guilt about not breastfeeding at all or not long enough, and guilt about not managing to prevent our kids from getting sick.*
These days parents still manage to find plenty to feel guilty about and still suffer from delusions about how much we can control our child’s happiness, but the current guilt sources are more likely to be that we are not giving our child the right school or sufficient enrichment opportunities, that we are pushing them too hard and therefore causing them stress and pressure, or that we aren’t pushing them enough to be able to succeed in a hyper-competitive world.
To celebrate our 30th year of publishing, and to explore what’s improved for families (and what’s gotten worse), as well as how being a parent differs in 2009 compared to 1979, we’re running the first in a series of articles by and interviews of professionals in our community who have worked on behalf of kids and parents since Seattle’s Child’s first issue. We begin this month with the fascinating observations of Dr. Steven Dassel, a highly respected Seattle pediatrician who was early in his pediatric practice back in 1979.
You’d think that after all these years of parenting and editing, I’d have some secrets of “good parenting” to share, but in fact parenting is a very humbling experience. Over time I’ve only become more appreciative of the complexity, mystery and wonder of raising children. I do know that good, careful and thoughtful parents have children who get into terrible trouble and that well-adjusted, productive kids will emerge from families struggling with dysfunction. I believe parenting can be the toughest work anybody ever does.
When Seattle’s Child started, it was hard to find reliable information for parents and it was easier to feel isolated and alone as a mom or dad. Now there is such a wealth of information about health care, education and parenting styles and so much sharing of experiences, it is sometimes difficult to hear your own voice and remember that there are as many “right” ways to parent as there are families.
I would suggest that a new parent shake hands with their new baby and say, “glad to meet you,” because from the first day, your child will show you that he or she is on a unique path, and the faster you accept this fact, the happier you both will be. Try to embrace and celebrate Mr. Roger’s words, “there is only one you”; repeating this mantra might allow you to better appreciate the miracle of the person emerging before your eyes even if his or her path is long and twisted.
And if you listen and pay careful attention to your children, you’ll find that they are patient and forgiving teachers, showing you what they need to thrive.
To all you parents, grandparents and others who care about the kids in our community, thanks for your loyal readership. It’s been an honor to inform and learn from you.
To read our 1979 series on guilt and parenting, click on the NOW & THEN link in RELATED ARTICLES or go to our Health & Development page.
