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Welcome to the WHL, coach Hartsburg
Wednesday, Oct. 28, 2009
Posted
at
9:52 am
TODAY'S LINEUP
A daily look at the top sports stories in this morning's edition of The Herald:
1. It's like moving a team from Minnesota to Dallas ... and back ... and back again
The Silvertips left this week on their longest road trip of the season, a 12-day journey that even seems daunting to a grizzled old NHL veteran. Former Minnesota North Star Craig Hartsburg, now the Tips' coach, never had a road trip like this. Little does Hartsy know that the hotels in Alberta ain't like the ones in Chicago and New York. Five-star means they've got an ice machine.
2. Even this golden toe can't save the Huskies this season
One of the bright spots for the UW football team has been kicker Erik Folk, who's kicked two clutch field goals in the final seconds this season. The Closer thinks the Huskies might want to try out Folk on defense, where UW struggled so much last weekend that the Oregon Ducks might as well have left their kicker — and punter, for that matter — back in Eugene.
3. Is the next Raul Ibanez playing down in Venezuela?
Mariners outfielder Michael Saunders is putting up impressive power numbers while playing in Venezuela, and the M's are hoping that translates to how Saunders plays next summer in Arlington, Texas, and Anaheim, Calif. If the Mariners are looking for a power-hitting leftfielder, maybe they should have kept that guy who will be playing in the World Series later today.
THE WARMUP PITCH
Seems like old times, except there's no team north of Portland
If the NBA season ended today, the Lakers and Celtics would be playing in the NBA Finals — again. But the NBA season doesn't end today. It ended SEVENTEEN STINKIN' MONTHS AGO WHEN THAT TEN-GALLON-HAT-WEARING, JOWL-CHEEK-SHAKING, DEEP-POCKET-DIGGING, COPENHAGEN-CHEWING REDNECK FROM OKLA-FREAKIN'-HOMA TOOK OUR TEAM!!!! But we're not bitter. Really, we're not. Anyway, the Lake Show and the Celts were among Tuesday night's winners on opening night in the NBA. The clean-and-sober Blazers won, too, thanks to a guy named Outlaw. Sounds like the old Jail Blazers could've used him.
Even Mr. October is hibernating somewhere right now
In a season that is starting to challenge professional soccer for the longest in sports, Major League Baseball kicks off its World Series — finally — tonight in The Big Apple . The Closer thinks this would be a great time for all of us to forget the past and extend congratulations to that ex-Mariner from Miami who is long overdue for a World Series appearance. ... But enough about Raul Ibanez — ba-da-boom!
At least the Nationals had some talent
The Cleveland Indians found a skipper this week in former Washington Nationals manager Manny Acta. Grady's Ladies aren't overwhelmed by the choice because they're getting a little hot under the low-cut collar about when they're going to get to groupie to a Series game. The Closer thinks it doesn't matter who manages this team; the Indians need pitching. And the two guys who will face each other tonight would have been a good place to start.
Walter Jones wasn't there to protect her, either
The injury bug that's sweeping the Seattle Seahawks' locker room has apparently made its way to at least one player's home. Quarterback Matt Hasselbeck tweeted this week that his daughter, Mallory, got hit by a dirt bike and had to be taken to a hospital. Mallory suffered nothing more serious than a broken arm, thankfully, which means she'll only be out three or four weeks before the Seahawks will plug her in at left tackle.
Did I mention how AMAZING my boss looked in that shirt today?
We'll see who wears the pants in the Tennessee Titans family this weekend. While head coach Jeff Fisher seems to prefer a wily veteran (Kerry Collins) at quarterback, owner Bud Adams is reportedly lobbying for the former first-round draft pick (Vince Young). Trust me: The Closer wouldn't put up with any meddling from his boss. In fact, I'd tell him to his face what I think of his hair-brained ideas ... but I'll be busy looking at neckties because I always like to buy him a nice gift on Wednesdays.
CURVE BALLS
The wild and wacky news from the world of sports …
That explains the haircut and the pastel outfits
Sports Illustrated has unearthed this nugget from an upcoming autobiography from tennis great Andre Agassi: apparently, the once-mulleted, now bald Nevadan once tried crystal meth … while he was on tour. First Martina Hingis, now Agassi. Which tour are we talking about here — tennis, or the Grateful Dead?
It could've been worse … he could've called him a “Kansas City Chief”
Kansas City Chiefs running back Larry Johnson has been banned from the team facility after using a gay slur in a tweet about his coach, Todd Haley. The most surprising thing about this story, The Closer thinks, is that Larry Johnson is closing in on the franchise record for rushing yards. Could The Homophobic Nightmare really be nipping at The Nigerian Nightmare's heels?
Coming soon: PETA stages a protest against the mistreatment of zebras
It's been a tough week for officials. First, Minnesota Vikings tight end Jeff Dugan runs over the guy who called him for a costly tripping penalty earlier in the game. Then, Toronto Maple Leafs tough guy Colton Orr pushes away an official who's trying to break up a fight . Overheard at the time was Orr telling the official: “Hey, if I don't get to fight, I've got no job. … And the NHL would have NO viewers.”
Hey dere, Garry, we got one word for yah up here in Cheddarville North: Boooooo!!!
One Milwaukee columnist is encouraging Packers fans to cheer that Vikings quarterback this weekend. He's also telling M's fans to ease up on A-Rod, telling the Yankees to blow kisses to Pedro Martinez and telling Kate Gosselin to send her husband an anniversary card.
THE RUNDOWN
Thursday night, Pedro Martinez will pitch in the Bronx. On Sunday night, Brett Favre will be back at Lambeau. And coming soon to a Cleveland courtroom: former Browns receiver Braylon Edwards. When it comes to returning to hostile territory, this week has been like no other. But here at The Bullpen, we're never satisfied. Here is a look at five more returns to unfriendly confines we'd like to see:
5. Bobby Petrino to the Georgia Dome: Most of the angry party guests have left since Petrino bailed on the hapless Atlanta Falcons, but it sure would be fun to see some of the fan reaction. The Falcons have surged since Coach Petrino quit midseason and headed west to Arkansas.
4. Dennis Erickson to Idaho's Kibbie Dome: Even though Moscow is buzzing with a bowl-eligible football team, this town hasn't forgotten how Dennis Erickson went all Brad Pitt and left them for a more attractive offer.
3. Michael Vick to face the Huskies: We're not talking about the UW football team. Nope, not UConn, either. Think about it, Dog Biscuit Breath.
2. LaGarrette Blount to Boise State: If Oregon plays this game on the road again in the near future, there might not be enough security in Boise to keep Blount at bay. Hard to say who'd be less safe: Blount or the fans he tried to get the last time.
1. Clay Bennett to KeyArena: There doesn't even have to be an NBA game there. We'd just like to see Oklahoma Clay standing at center court, with 12,000 Sonics fans holding water balloons. Filled with green and yellow dye.
Contact The Closer at inthebullpen@heraldnet.com.
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