Five athletes the Closer doesn't want to see celebrating a championship
Thursday, Nov. 5, 2009
Posted
at
11:41 am
TODAY'S LINEUP
A look at the top sports stories in this morning's edition of The Herald:
1. Still waiting on The Franchise … the Carolina Panthers' Franchise, that is
University of Washington football coach Steve Sarkisian still hasn't decided whether quarterback Jake Locker will be available for Saturday's game at UCLA, but Sark doesn't want to let the decision linger until game day. Locker is nursing a deep thigh bruise, although it has not prevented him from practicing this week. The Closer suggests that the Huskies shut him down for the season, tell all those NFL scouts that he's out 10 months, then let Locker come back for his senior year. It might be UW's only chance of keeping him.
2. It's only a matter of time before Mill Creek secedes to become a Kenyan territory
The Jackson High School boys' cross country team is becoming a bit of a dynasty, and yet the Timberwolves enter this year's state meet with a bad taste in their mouths. No. 1-ranked Jackson took second at state last year. For the record, The Closer ran in that race and finally finished last weekend.
3. That's it: fire the coach already
The Everett Silvertips' perfect road trip hit a road block on Wednesday night, when the Tips finally lost a game. Rumor has it that Craig Hartsburg got a few coaching tips from Jim Mora before the game.
4. Can't believe that it's come to this
The Seahawks are so desperate that they're starting to turn to ex-Huskies for help. After cutting Edgerrin James earlier this week, the Seahawks hope that Louis Rankin can give them a spark off the bench. If their bad luck continues, they may be looking toward Jake Locker to give them a spark as the No. 3 overall pick in the 2010 draft.
5. If only Central Washington was in the Pac-10
The Washington men's basketball team started its season Wednesday night … sort of. The Huskies throttled the Central Washington Generals 73-49 in what was being called an exhibition game. You know, kind of like those old Harlem Globetrotter games were “exhibitions.” (And speaking of the Pac-10, did anyone notice that UCLA barely escaped an NAIA team last night?)
THE WARMUP PITCH
Just like M's fans wanted: a Japanese player earning World Series MVP
It was just like old times in the Bronx. Andy Pettitte outdueled Pedro Martinez in Game 6 of the World Series, leading the Yankees to a 7-3 win and their 27th title. Hideki Matsui was named MVP, which legitimizes the Mariners' constant signings of Japanese stars. Turns out they just didn't get the one that mattered. The best part, for the Yankees, is that NYC fans have agreed to stop calling for Joe Girardi's head … for 24 hours.
In this league, 40 is the new 30
The league that plays no D saw two stars break out for 40 points or more on Wednesday night. Kobe Bryant was up to his old tricks, dropping in 41. Miami's Dwayne Wade had 40. Jon Brockman? Well, he had one rebound and two fouls.
Raiders not ready to cancel Cable bill
Who knew that Snohomish homeboy Tom Cable would become the most-talked-about figure in sports? And not for the right reasons. Well, here's today's news, and it keeps getting worse. Apparently, Cable will have to keep working as Raiders coach.
Who's up for a NASCAR salary cap?
The Earnhardt team is close to adding one of racing's most recognizable stars, but that might mean having to install another bathroom at the JR Motorsports facility. Danica Patrick is reportedly close to signing on with Junior's race team. She's the first racer who's contract won't be paid in chewing tobacco.
CURVE BALLS
The wild and wacky news from the world of sports ...
He was aiming for Plaxico Burress
Another athlete has shot himself in the leg, which begs the question: if handguns were chicken pot pies, would the sports world be able to single-handedly end world hunger? The Dodgers' Vicente Padilla was this week's … um, victim. Somewhere, Tommy Lasorda is rolling over in his pasta.
“Bet” you won't see this item on NBA.com
Disgraced former NBA ref Tim Donaghy has been released from jail, and I wouldn't want to be his next door neighbor. The Gambler already started popping off even before the cell bars opened for him. The Closer is just wondering who'll show up at Donaghy's doorstep first: Kobe Bryant holding flowers and chocolates, David Stern offering a muzzle, or some guy named Guido with a bulge in his sports jacket.
Next, they'll be picketing in Pullman for tarnishing the Cougar's reputation
PETA has taken aim at Spurs guard Manu Ginobili, whom the animal-rights group would like to swat around like a flying bat. Ginobili already underwent rabies shots after going all Dikembe Motumbo on a bat earlier this week, and now PETA wants him to take a few injections from their ice picks. Ginobili's reaction? He apparently flopped on the floor and cried foul.
THE RUNDOWN
So A-Rod finally got his title. Can't say that The Closer wasn't all that thrilled to see The Fraudulent One get his long-overdue reward. But there are other champions who would be even more painful to watch. Here is a look at five other former Seattle athletes who The Closer absolutely could not bear to see get a ring:
5. Jarrod Washburn: Nice guy, but this whole “I forgot how to pitch, but I'm sure to remember when it's a contract year” thing really wore us down. If the guy turns back into Cy Young after signing with a contender, it's going to hurt like a fastball to the ribs.
4. Jerramy Stevens: As a member of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Jerramy Stevens ain't going to the Super Bowl any time soon. But should he ever get back there, the least he could do is tick off the opposing team's baddest linebacker, drop a few passes and choke away the opportunity ... just for old times' sake.
3. Yuniesky Betancourt: Something about his M's career brought back memories of Carlos Guillen. Of course, Guillen went on to become and All-Star and turned the Detroit Tigers into an immediate contender. Let's just hope Betancourt doesn't have a similar wakeup call in KC.
2. Steve Hutchinson: His free-agent departure was even shadier than the one that took A-Rod to NYC via Texas. The Minnesota Vikings' carefully written contract had all sorts of stipulations that all but guaranteed he wouldn't come back to the Seahawks. It was the kind of contract that Bernie Madoff might have cooked up. What was even more appalling was the fact that Big Hutch signed it.
1. Kevin Durant: As much as we love the kid, we hope he spends his time in OKC watching the postseason on television and begging Clay Bennett to trade him to a real NBA city.
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