Who are those guys?
Friday, Dec. 4, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009 | 10:59 am
TODAY'S LINEUP
A look at the top sports stories in today's edition of The Herald:
1. Wanted: A GM who knows something, anything, about our sport
If you've been looking for a job in sports management, this is your lucky week. The Seattle Seahawks and Washington Stealth each have an opening for a general manager. The job requirement for the former is someone who can turn an NFL franchise into a consistent playoff contender. The job requirement for the latter is someone who knows what sport the Washington Stealth play.
2. It's, like, the way we roll, dude
The Everett Silvertips have been maddeningly inconsistent this season, with brilliant performances one moment and a complete lack of focus the next. While the Tips say they are not sure what the problem is, The Closer knows exactly what's wrong: YOU GUYS ARE TEENAGERS! Anyone who's ever lived under the same roof with a teenage boy can tell you this is typical behavior.
3. Both names start with an R and end with a K
The Mariners head into next week's winter meetings looking to fill holes at first base, third base and in left field. Last season's first baseman, Russell Branyan, recently turned down a one-year offer. The Closer thinks that's a good thing. Branyan hit .193 in the second half last season, bringing back not-so-fond memories of one Richie Sexson.
4. Just wait until she gets the hang of this
The highly regarded Jackson girls basketball team won a showdown of heavyweights Thursday night, beating Wesco North preseason favorite Lake Stevens 58-50. One of the star's for the Timberwolves was Leigh-Ann Haataja, a 6-foot-2 post who scored a team-high 20 points. Haataja's primary sport is volleyball and she conceded she's still learning to tone down her aggressiveness on the basketball court. The Closer guesses that once she learns to catch the ball, instead of spiking it, she's really going to be something.
5. Hey, ref, can we move the foul line back about 10 feet?
The UW men's basketball team suffered its first loss of the season Thursday night, falling to Texas Tech 99-92 in overtime. Washington's Elston Turner had a chance to break a tie with 4.8 seconds left in regulation, but missed two free throws. Apparently Turner, who led the Huskies with three 3-point field goals, was too close to the basket.
THE WARMUP PITCH
The wrong guy for the job
New York Jets quarterback Matt Sanchez injured his knee Thursday night while diving head-first at the end of an 8-yard run in his team's 19-13 win over Buffalo. The injury came just days after the Jets announced they were bringing in Yankees manager Joe Giradi to teach Sanchez how to slide properly. Therein lies the problem. Giradi was a catcher who stole just 44 bases in his 15-year big-league career. What does he know about sliding? Had the Jets hired former Yankee Rickey Henderson, Sanchez would still be walking without a limp.
Playing those Pac-10 patsies can hurt your RPI
Every year the Gonzaga men's basketball team, in an effort to impress the NCAA selection committee, plays a killer preseason schedule to make up for a lack of quality opponents in the West Coast Conference. The Washington Huskies may have to start doing the same thing, given that the WCC now has more teams ranked in the Top 25 (Gonzaga, Portland) than the Pac-10.
No sympathy for Mr. Longoria
The Boston Celtics beat San Antonio 90-83 Thursday night for their sixth straight win. “It's one of those games,” Spurs point guard Tony Parker said. For a second, The Closer felt a twinge of sympathy for Parker. But then again, it's hard to feel sorry for a guy making millions of dollars a year who goes home to Eva Longoria every night.
Is that a golden parachute or the golden arches?
Mark Mangino resigned as the head football coach at Kansas on Thursday. The school's athletic director, Lew Perkins, declined to say what kind of settlement was reached, so no word on how many Big Macs were involved.
We like it better when you keep your mouth shut
LaGarrette Blount, the Oregon running back who earlier this season gave fans in Boise a reason to yell “Duck!”, returned to the field Thursday and scored a key touchdown in a 37-33 Rose Bowl-clinching victory over Oregon State. After the game, Blount said he was “at a loss for words.” Given the phrases he spouted last time we say him on national TV (yes, the Closer can read lips) that's probably for the best.
CURVE BALLS
The wild and wacky news from the world of sports ...
No wonder nobody can catch this guy
Minnesota running back Adrian Peterson received a speeding ticket for driving 109 miles per hour in a 55-mph zone. That won't happen in Seattle any time soon. No one has ever accused the Seahawks' current stable of running backs of moving too fast.
Ashes to ashes
And finally, the best quote of the day comes from outgoing Seahawks GM Tim Ruskell, who said he and his wife are leaning toward cremation instead burial so that no one can write on his tombstone “Here lies the man that lost Hutch” (a reference to all-world offensive lineman Steve Hutchinson, who left Seattle as a free agent in 2006). Of course, if Ruskell is cremated, someone could always toss his ashes into the wind, just like the $39 million Ruskell tossed at underacheiving wide receiver Deion Branch.
Contact The Closer at inthebullpen@heraldnet.com
A look at the top sports stories in today's edition of The Herald:
1. Wanted: A GM who knows something, anything, about our sport
If you've been looking for a job in sports management, this is your lucky week. The Seattle Seahawks and Washington Stealth each have an opening for a general manager. The job requirement for the former is someone who can turn an NFL franchise into a consistent playoff contender. The job requirement for the latter is someone who knows what sport the Washington Stealth play.
2. It's, like, the way we roll, dude
The Everett Silvertips have been maddeningly inconsistent this season, with brilliant performances one moment and a complete lack of focus the next. While the Tips say they are not sure what the problem is, The Closer knows exactly what's wrong: YOU GUYS ARE TEENAGERS! Anyone who's ever lived under the same roof with a teenage boy can tell you this is typical behavior.
3. Both names start with an R and end with a K
The Mariners head into next week's winter meetings looking to fill holes at first base, third base and in left field. Last season's first baseman, Russell Branyan, recently turned down a one-year offer. The Closer thinks that's a good thing. Branyan hit .193 in the second half last season, bringing back not-so-fond memories of one Richie Sexson.
4. Just wait until she gets the hang of this
The highly regarded Jackson girls basketball team won a showdown of heavyweights Thursday night, beating Wesco North preseason favorite Lake Stevens 58-50. One of the star's for the Timberwolves was Leigh-Ann Haataja, a 6-foot-2 post who scored a team-high 20 points. Haataja's primary sport is volleyball and she conceded she's still learning to tone down her aggressiveness on the basketball court. The Closer guesses that once she learns to catch the ball, instead of spiking it, she's really going to be something.
5. Hey, ref, can we move the foul line back about 10 feet?
The UW men's basketball team suffered its first loss of the season Thursday night, falling to Texas Tech 99-92 in overtime. Washington's Elston Turner had a chance to break a tie with 4.8 seconds left in regulation, but missed two free throws. Apparently Turner, who led the Huskies with three 3-point field goals, was too close to the basket.
THE WARMUP PITCH
The wrong guy for the job
New York Jets quarterback Matt Sanchez injured his knee Thursday night while diving head-first at the end of an 8-yard run in his team's 19-13 win over Buffalo. The injury came just days after the Jets announced they were bringing in Yankees manager Joe Giradi to teach Sanchez how to slide properly. Therein lies the problem. Giradi was a catcher who stole just 44 bases in his 15-year big-league career. What does he know about sliding? Had the Jets hired former Yankee Rickey Henderson, Sanchez would still be walking without a limp.
Playing those Pac-10 patsies can hurt your RPI
Every year the Gonzaga men's basketball team, in an effort to impress the NCAA selection committee, plays a killer preseason schedule to make up for a lack of quality opponents in the West Coast Conference. The Washington Huskies may have to start doing the same thing, given that the WCC now has more teams ranked in the Top 25 (Gonzaga, Portland) than the Pac-10.
No sympathy for Mr. Longoria
The Boston Celtics beat San Antonio 90-83 Thursday night for their sixth straight win. “It's one of those games,” Spurs point guard Tony Parker said. For a second, The Closer felt a twinge of sympathy for Parker. But then again, it's hard to feel sorry for a guy making millions of dollars a year who goes home to Eva Longoria every night.
Is that a golden parachute or the golden arches?
Mark Mangino resigned as the head football coach at Kansas on Thursday. The school's athletic director, Lew Perkins, declined to say what kind of settlement was reached, so no word on how many Big Macs were involved.
We like it better when you keep your mouth shut
LaGarrette Blount, the Oregon running back who earlier this season gave fans in Boise a reason to yell “Duck!”, returned to the field Thursday and scored a key touchdown in a 37-33 Rose Bowl-clinching victory over Oregon State. After the game, Blount said he was “at a loss for words.” Given the phrases he spouted last time we say him on national TV (yes, the Closer can read lips) that's probably for the best.
CURVE BALLS
The wild and wacky news from the world of sports ...
No wonder nobody can catch this guy
Minnesota running back Adrian Peterson received a speeding ticket for driving 109 miles per hour in a 55-mph zone. That won't happen in Seattle any time soon. No one has ever accused the Seahawks' current stable of running backs of moving too fast.
Ashes to ashes
And finally, the best quote of the day comes from outgoing Seahawks GM Tim Ruskell, who said he and his wife are leaning toward cremation instead burial so that no one can write on his tombstone “Here lies the man that lost Hutch” (a reference to all-world offensive lineman Steve Hutchinson, who left Seattle as a free agent in 2006). Of course, if Ruskell is cremated, someone could always toss his ashes into the wind, just like the $39 million Ruskell tossed at underacheiving wide receiver Deion Branch.
Contact The Closer at inthebullpen@heraldnet.com
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