Prepare to swoon

Chain restaurants with 20 or more locations will begin posting calorie counts on their menus next year, as part of the health-care reform package signed into law by President Barack Obama.

Clearly, this imposes an unfair burden on the chain restaurants. Because not only will they have to disclose calorie counts, but they'll also have to provide plus-size fainting couches for folks gobsmacked to learn that the Big-Azz Bacon Xtreme sandwich contains 1,760 calories.

Something for Nothing Dept.: Hard-core coupon-clippers say they pay next to nothing for their groceries.

Trouble is, their coupon-purchased groceries consist entirely of Cheez Doodles, cat food and Renuzit Crystal Elements.

Writing on the wall: Hoping to regain market share from Apple and BlackBerry, Microsoft introduced the Kin, a new cell phone designed for people who like to use social networks.

That will come in handy next year when Kin users can post the following: “OMG Tina just fainted, her gross burger was like 2500 cals LOL!!!”

-- Mark Carlson, Herald staff