Large families prove the more the merrier

In large families, it's the little things that make a big difference.

Gathering for dinner, a hot cocoa at a coffee shop with just dad, mom painting your nails.

“Having time for each other is really important,” said Rita Mohn, an Edmonds mother who with her husband Chris is raising six children ages 8 to 18. “Realistically it can't happen every day, so when it does it's cherished.”

Bucking the trend

They're rarer than you think – families with five or six or even more children. Less than one out of 20 families with children have five or more kids, according to a Washington, D.C.-based Pew Research Center report in 2010. And family size has been decreasing over time. The average size of households was projected to decline from 2.62 in 1995 to 2.53 by 2010, according to a U.S. Department of Commerce population report.

But families like the Mohns and others are bucking this trend. How do they handle the day-to-day stresses of life? How do they afford to have so many children? What are the rewards for having so many?

Joy and Dwayne Forehand of Shoreline have five children, all under 10 years old. They are expecting their sixth by the end of January.

“Having a big family is wonderful,” Joy Forehand said. “You are never lonely and every kid is so different and very diverse. But it can be chaotic at times. At least one time a day, I am challenged when they are all talking at the same time, arguing or crying. I pray a lot.”

Living simply

You don't have to be rich to support a big brood, insist both the Mohns and Forehands. Sacrifices such as a smaller home, an older car and few if any vacations may be involved, but they are worth it.

“You learn to live frugally and separate your wants from your needs,” Rita Mohn said. “There are no music lessons, select sports or dance lessons. Instead the kids participate in (Catholic Youth Organization) sports and Girl Scouts. We feel we have plenty.”

Both the Mohns and Forehands say that they are careful with their spending and all report that they have never accepted state aid or public assistance. They do take their income tax deductions.

Rita Mohn has an in-home daycare business. Chris Mohn owns a digital marketing firm.

For vacations, the Mohns drive to visit their extended families, who also have multiple children and understand the logistics of a large family. “Friends don't invite us over with the kids very often,” she said.

With six children, gift giving is Spartan for the Mohns. Birthday honorees get to choose their dinner menu and cake for the family celebration. Every other year, they can choose to have a party with friends. This past Christmas, it was sweatshirts for all. Additionally Santa brought each Mohn a present and filled stockings. A vote was taken to determine where the contents of the family change jar would be donated. This year, the Mohns chose World Vision to buy goats for other families in Third World countries.

The Forehands structure their family finances carefully as well. They do not have credit cards. They catch television shows and movies by computer, so they don't have a television or a cable bill. The family's largest expense, housing, is creatively handled by jointly owning their home with a friend who occupies the lower level.

Joy Forehand is a stay-at-home mom who home schools her children. Dwayne Forehand is a software developer for the Port of Seattle.

The Cordova family has a similar story. Pat and her husband Paul, now deceased, raised 10 children in the 1950s and '60s in a four-bedroom home in Mountlake Terrace. They added to their family, opening their home to four other children who lived with the Cordovas one to three years each.

The Cordova boys did the yard work, the girls did the housework. They did not have a dishwasher and they had one bathroom.

“We were poorer than dirt,” Pat Cordova said. “But, it isn't the material things that make the difference to kids. It's people caring about them.”

‘Their own community'

Rita Mohn and Joy Forehand both outfit their broods in hand-me-downs from their siblings, cousins and friends. Joy Forehand claims she finds the best shoes for her children's little feet at thrift shops. “Little ones hardly wear things out before they outgrow them,” she said.

While not lavish or fussy, dinners at the Mohn home are eaten together. They sit down together on average five times a week. Oftentimes it is simply a gathering around the kitchen island to eat and talk.

“We eat a lot of pasta to fill up those teenage boys,” she said.

Feeding a large family takes careful planning and procurement.

Rita Mohn shops at Costco twice a month, spending $400 per trip. She fills in fresh produce purchased on side trips.

Joy Forehand says she keeps an eye out for sales and uses coupons to stretch her food budget.

To reduce clutter, Rita Mohn keeps counters and tables clear. “You can't be messy, or you wouldn't find anything,” she said.

She says her kids have learned life skills including self-sufficiency and independence from being one of many.

“When you have six, everyone has to be organized,” Rita Mohn said. “There is no time to debate or argue. Everyone has to be ready when I say it's time to go. Usually they are in the van before me.”

Now, with the oldest Mohn child off at college in California, the coed reports that dorm life is an easy adjustment, being a lot like home. What she misses most are her siblings.

“They are their own community,” Rita Mohn said.

Strong relationships

For those considering growing a family, Rita Mohn points out that it is generally only done one child at a time.

“Try one and see how it goes. One to two is a challenge, three is difficult. Once you get to four, adding more kids doesn't matter. It just takes a lot of prayer, and you hope to get lucky.”

Rita Mohn came from a large family with six children. Chris Mohn is one of eight children.

“We were both raised in large families and we liked it,” Rita Mohn said. “We wanted at least four.”

Rita Mohn and Joy Forehand say that taking time one-on-one with each child and with their spouse is particularly necessary in families with many members. Forehand kids get a special one-on-one “date” with either their mom or dad. Meant to be a time to connect, that doesn't mean an over-the-top adventure. Instead the outings could be going to a coffee shop for hot cocoa or a dessert, going to the library, visiting the beach or hiking in a park. Besides individual time with each child, the Forehands go on a “date” together twice a month.

Rita Mohn agrees that a key to have so many is a strong relationship with your spouse.

“The key to having a lot of kids is a really strong marriage,” Rita Mohn said. “You have to love your husband and have a partnership.”

Bigger is fewer
The number of families with five or more children is relatively rare, according to the Washington, D.C.-based Pew Research Center. Here is the statistics of households with children based on a report from the nonprofit in 2010:
• 23 percent with a single child
• 43 percent with two children
• 22 percent with three children
• 8 percent with four children
• 4 percent with four children