'All The Werewolf's Men'
•"'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter' is as odd as you'd expect": And just like that, a new movie genre is born. Upcoming films: "George Washington and the Cherry Tree Chainsaw Massacre"; "I Was a Presidential Werewolf"; "When a Candidate Calls"; "Reille Hunter's Baby"; "Race With the Democrats"; "The Bride of Franklinstein Pierce"; and "Night of the Living Lobbyists."
"School sunscreen ban leaves student severely sunburned": This happened during a field trip here in sunny Tacoma. Apparently children can't apply or reapply sunscreen without a doctor's note, according to the school district, which quoted state law as the basis for the ban.
"Because so many additives in lotions and sunscreens cause allergic reaction in children, you have to really monitor that," said Dan Voelpel, Tacoma School District Spokesman.
OK, sure, just as long as common sense is driving school policy. But more likely is that "exposure to sun" will be next on the no-no list.
•"Bright red cars hit most often with bird droppings": That's what British researchers found in five U.K. cities. Blue cars had the next most bird poop, followed by black, white, gray/silver and green ones. The study did not try to explain why this is so, but bird experts said it's likely because of where people park, not the color of their car.
Which leads to the question: Do drivers of red cars have a special problem putting two and two together?
•"N.H. post office cuts hours to just 30 minutes a day": The office's three employees say it will be tough, but with each getting a 10-minute break, they will find a way to power through and carry on.
"Mating turtles fossilized in the act": Ah, that's kind of romantic, if we may anthropomorphize for a minute. It also offers another way to interpret the "The Tortoise and the Hare" fable.
(It also makes us think of Bill and Karolyn Slowsky, the turtle couple featured in Comcast's Xfinity commercials. "We like it slow.")
•"Kepler space telescope peers at hot alien couple": Is it fair to assume that astronomers' unofficial motto is: "We like to watch"?
"What does your dog say about your sex life; http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7412668n&tag=pop?": Trick question. They mean to ask: What do people (stereotypically) think the breed of dog you have says about you?
Because it goes without saying that dogs didn't earn their "human's best friend" badge of honor through the generations by blabbing about stuff like that.
Have a Slowsky Monday.