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Romance, repentance, and a year of snakes, oh my

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It's a big week ahead, (as far as February goes), starting with the Chinese New Year today -- 2013 is the Year of the Snake. As with all things astrological, this means it has potential for good and bad, despite the overwhelmingly bad "snaky" connotations and associations in our everyday lexicon. Make of it what you will. (Time to shed your skin? Or give someone a squeeze?)
Next comes Mardi Gras, or Fat Tuesday, Ash Wednesday, and Thursday is Valentine's Day. So, this wouldn't be the year to give up chocolate for Lent. Let's parade through the carnival of headlines:
•"Florida's big python hunt going out with a whimper": Invasive species notoriously evasive, AlertNet niftily summarizes, so the phrase can rattle around in your head until you're seeing or hearing snakes. Yikes. If it's going to be the literal Year of the invasive Snake, ophidiophobia support groups better proliferate at the same rate.
 
 
  • "Pianist's music fails to put tortoises in the mood": Maybe we can infer the giant animals, and many other zoo creatures, would actually appreciate a little privacy, rather than an audience and musical accompaniment. And considering that Galapagos tortoises can live for over 150 years, perhaps it makes perfect sense that their mating ritual might be a years-long process (which frustrates humans who want to speed up the process) that glacially, eventually culminates in some out-of-the-shell action. ("Tortoise coitus" is hard to say, not that anyone would want to.) For further information, see "The Slowsky Sutra" by Bill and Karolyn Slowsky (the turtles of the Comcast commercials.)
 
  • "Japan town demands underwear for Michelangelo's David": The 16-foot-tall marble statue was donated by a businessman who hails from the area. The unnerved residents were concerned that without some modesty, David the statue would never meet the Japanese patented cartoon-character-pillow-doll-girlfriend of his dreams. (An actual phenomena that needs no further exploring.)
 
 

"Breasts, buttocks banned by CBS from Grammys": Hmm. Most people are pretty attached to those parts. And like their credit card, don't leave home without them. Is Grammy having a senior moment?

 

Safe to say the brains behind China's "one-child policy" never saw this coming.

 

Be sure to wear your (fashionably gray) "I'm With Cupid" T-shirt as you infer stuff this week.

Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472, cmacpherson@heraldnet.com

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