Truly, I do.
They help keep dogs from pooping on our lawn, property line disputes from becoming shootouts, speed under control in school zones, thugs from giving in to their whims, and (sometimes) keep floating-on-the-surface-of-the-gene-pool scumbags with foot-thick records behind bars.
Basically, they help to maintain the thin veneer of civilization which protects society.
But everything has a limit. And beyond that limit is the realm of foolishness, inanity, and (lately) the steady slide towards the "wussification" of an entire nation.
The problem is that the ideas of the "Here, let me tell you how to live your life" types (of which we have far too many) are gaining too much traction these days.
In general, this crowd tends to go off the deep end whenever a member or an assortment of their members see something of which they do not approve. Upon so doing, they then succumb to an attack of the "sillies" and try to do away with or restrict whatever it is that the rest of us enjoy.
This is especially true with regard to food and beverages.
In the recent past, they've taken shots at coffee, sugar, salt, eggs, butter, margarine, white bread, Twinkies, hot dogs, hamburgers, sausage, milk, donuts, soda, cheese, beer, wine, fast food, fast cars, and John Wayne movies. All of which are basically fine if not overdone to a great extent -- except for John Wayne movies which can never be overdone.
If the true believers in this group had their way, nothing that tasted good would ever cross our lips.
Hamburgers and hot dogs would be anathema. Chili would be an abomination. Pizza would be banned outright. Baked potatoes with butter and sour cream would be treated as killers, and I can't begin to imagine what they'd do to chicken-fried steak and hash browns.
In short, their belief system might best be summed up by one word -- "Don't."
Don't eat red meat. Don't touch candy or ice cream. Don't use salt or sugar. Don't drink whole milk. Don't touch cake. Don't. Don't. Don't.
On the whole, they're about as much fun as a sore toe in tight shoes.
And, now, comes before us New York City Mayor (and resident nanny) Michael Bloomberg and his recently enacted law on two-liter soda that, according to reports in the New York Times, "would affect virtually the entire menu of popular sugary drinks found in delis, fast-food franchises and even sports arenas, from energy drinks to pre-sweetened iced teas. The sale of any cup or bottle of sweetened drink larger than 16 fluid ounces -- about the size of a medium coffee, and smaller than a common soda bottle -- would be prohibited under the first-in-the-nation plan."
Call me old-fashioned, but I believe that each of us was issued a few pounds of gray matter at birth.
Admittedly, it can be shown that many of us fail to engage that gray matter when we should (See: Those who text while driving), but -- for the most part -- a large majority can and do make reasonable decisions about what may or may not affect us.
Therefore, since we possess this ability to think and decide for ourselves, I'd propose to our "betters" in the ruling class that we be allowed to do so - especially in what are mostly personal matters. I'd also add that (and here's the really important part) we should then be held both responsible and accountable for what happens to us.
Thus, if I can't figure out that a steady intake of sugar, lard, pasta, and Cheetos will turn me into a clone of Jabba the Hutt, that's my problem and well it should be.
What I don't think we need is more governmental intrusion into our daily lives or, more to the point, our eating habits.
Warnings? Fine. Information? Fine. Chiding? Fine. Laws regarding consumption? Blessed Redeemer, give me an ever-loving break.
Finally, as regards Mayor Bloomberg.
Has anyone else noticed his resemblance to Nurse Ratched of "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" fame?
If there's anyone affecting us that sorely needs to be gotten under control, he might be just the place to start.
Larry Simoneaux lives in Edmonds. Send comments to: email@example.com
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