Beware of knock-offs; accept no imitations

Urine trouble: A St. Louis-area man is facing criminal charges that he used a prosthetic penis and someone else’s urine in a failed attempt to pass a drug test as part of his probation. A probation officer spotted the man using the prosthetic, which is sold online as the Whizzinator.

The 34-year-old man was arrested and released on $25,000 bond pending trial. But since it passed the urine test, the Whizzinator was told it was free to go.

Some cheese with your whine? A Florida billionaire is suing a one-time fellow billionaire for $320,000, claiming he was sold several bottles of wine that weren’t authentic bottles of Chateau Lafite Rothschild wine from the 19th century. Unscrupulous wine dealers have been known to put vintage labels on cheaper bottles.

His first clue that something wasn’t right should have been the Rothschild label carelessly slapped onto the box of Franzia White Zin.

See my vest: A baby gorilla being raised by human surrogates wearing gorilla vests at a Cincinnati zoo is doing well and is learning to roll over, sit up and may soon start walking on all fours. The gorilla vests are used to acclimate the infant to other gorillas.

But the vests also have proved popular with younger hipster zookeepers who wear the vests to nightclubs and gather in circles to groom themselves.

Off to the races: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals are calling for Queen Elizabeth II to end her support for pigeon racing. PETA claims that tens of thousands of the birds disappear and die during pigeon races across the English Channel.

Buckingham Palace declined comment but later announced that it was canceling the after-race squab fry.

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Opinion

toon
Editorial cartoons for Tuesday, March 19

A sketchy look at the news of the day.… Continue reading

Students use a 3D model to demonstrate their groups traffic solutions at Hazelwood Elementary School on Wednesday, March 29, 2023 in Lynnwood, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Editorial: Your choice, drivers; slow down or pay up

More traffic cameras will soon be in use in cities and highways, with steep penalties for violations.

Protect Affordable Care Act by rejecting Trump

The stakes are high in this year’s presidential election. If candidate Donald… Continue reading

Support candidates who support schools

I promised I would stop writing these letters because the gates of… Continue reading

Biden must stop supplying weapons to Israel, Ukraine

Bad foreign policy will come back to haunt us in the long… Continue reading

Comment: Flow of U.S. guns into Mexico is other border crisis

Guns, legal and illegal, are contributing to crime and instability in Mexico, driving many to seek asylum.

RGB version
Editorial cartoons for Monday, March 18

A sketchy look at the news of the day.… Continue reading

Carson gets a chance to sound the horn in an Everett Fire Department engine with the help of captain Jason Brock during a surprise Make-A-Wish sendoff Saturday, Oct. 21, 2023, at Thornton A. Sullivan Park in Everett, Washington. (Ryan Berry / The Herald)
Editorial: Everett voters will set course for city finances

This fall and in coming years, they will be asked how to fund and support the services they use.

Devotees of TikTok, Mona Swain, center, and her sister, Rachel Swain, right, both of Atlanta, monitor voting at the Capitol in Washington, as the House passed a bill that would lead to a nationwide ban of the popular video app if its China-based owner doesn't sell, Wednesday, March 13, 2024. Lawmakers contend the app's owner, ByteDance, is beholden to the Chinese government, which could demand access to the data of TikTok's consumers in the U.S. (AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)
Editorial: Forced sale of TikTok ignores network of problems

The removal of a Chinese company would still leave concerns for data privacy and the content on apps.

Rep. Strom Peterson, D-Edmonds, watches the State of the State speech by Gov. Jay Inslee on the second day of the legislative session at the Washington state Capitol, Tuesday, Jan. 9, 2024, in Olympia, Wash. (AP Photo/Lindsey Wasson)
Editorial: Legislature has its own production of ‘The Holdovers’

What state lawmakers left behind in good ideas that should get more attention and passage next year.

Comment: Measles outbreaks show importance of MMR vaccinations

The highly contagious disease requires a 95 percent vaccination rate to limit the spread of outbreaks.

Harrop: Should ‘affordable’ come at cost of quality of living?

As states push their cities to ignore zoning rules, the YIMBYs are covering for developers.

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.