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Herald staff | jbauer@heraldnet.com
Published: Tuesday, November 26, 2013, 12:01 a.m.

Talking turkey

Eat mor chikin: The CEO of Butterball says the company has had difficulty fattening up its birds this year and is investigating the reason why its turkeys aren't as plump as usual.

It's pretty obvious, isn't it? After hundreds of years, the turkeys have finally figured out what happens on Thanksgiving and have started taking spinning and hot yoga classes to lose weight.

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Try very hard not to think of Terry Thomas when reading this: A new study of the sex habits of the British found that Britons are having sex less frequently than in the past but are having a greater variety of sexual encounters.

But on closer reading, the study says that "leaving the lights on" and "wearing socks" were included among the varied sexual encounters.

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Don't know much about history: President Washington set aside this day in 1789 as a day of thanksgiving to observe the adoption of the Constitution of the United States.

Major embarrassment was avoided when Martha Washington was able to use some club soda to remove a cranberry sauce thumbprint left by Thomas Jefferson on the historic document.

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