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Published: Sunday, December 8, 2013, 12:01 a.m.
The LIghter Side of the News

Amazon recommends octocopters for all

So Jeff Bezos wants to use Amazon drones to deliver your purchase to you in 30 minutes. Gosh, won't it be nice to have those buzzing around. As the song goes, "The droniest skies you've ever seen are in Seattle..."
Are people really complaining that same-day or next-day delivery is too slow? Gratification can't get much more instant. Or is just that Bezos is "Full of dreams to last the years, in Seattle/ ... in Seattle!"
Will Amazon drones guarantee a pinpoint, Christmas Eve down-the-chimney delivery? Or will the general area have to suffice? ("Betsy, it looks like Santa left your present in the Koi pond...") How long before people lob brick and mortar at Amazon drones? (It would be fun to see a drone tripped up by something old-fashioned, like a clothesline.)
Let's review the headlines, "Full of hopes an' full of fears, full of laughter, full of tears":
•"RV industry shows more signs of recovery" and "RVs are one answer to soaring New York rent": Kind of a classic good news/bad news situation. But the real question, of course, is can Amazon drones deliver to RVs?
"Seahawks fans caused small quake during Saints game": Good thing "tempting fate" is just superstitious nonsense, or a city that is in line for a major earthquake might think twice about causing a small one at a sports stadium.
Speaking of which, they sure don't make disaster movies like use to. ("Black Sunday Octocopter Earthquake!" could be a about a deadly drone headed for a crowded football stadium when an earthquake strikes.)
•"Steve Sarkisian apologizes for misleading comments about USC interview": Answering during a radio interview, Sarkisian said he hadn't interviewed for the job, the day before he announced he was taking the job. Here's his "apology":
"I'm sorry if my message got misconstrued, but it really was in the best interest of the young men," Sarkisian said. "Hindsight's 20-20. I probably should have said it was an interview. Semantics are semantics. If I could do it all over again, I probably would have just said exactly what the conversation was that Pat (Haden) and I had."
Semantics are semantics. That's beautiful. No means no, and yes means yes. He said he didn't interview, when in fact, he did.
Not to worry. Message fully received, coach.
•"Seattle ferry theft raises security questions": One would certainly hope so.
"Why would anyone steal an enormous passenger ferry?" To get to the other side?
"McDonald's to workers: Don't forget to tip pool boy": Such holiday tips were available on an employee resource website, until they were taken down. Apparently someone failed to distinguish between corporate employees and store workers. On the other hand, other helpful budget nuggets included suggestions that employees get a second job and sell their stuff to raise extra cash. McDonald's, no doubt, is sorry it's messaged got misconstrued.
"2,000 people raced in Chicago dressed as Mike Ditka": It was the first ever Chicago Ditka Dash 5k. What a fun idea. Throw on a fake bushy mustache and voila, you're da coach. Ditka, of course, is the legendary former coach of a certain team ... known as Da Bears.
If a similar Pete Carroll run were held in Seattle, would people stuff their mouths full of gum, and run up and down the race course, cheering everyone on? Giving hugs and high fives?
As Charo would say, don't let your message get misconscrued this week.

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Herald Editorial Board

Jon Bauer, Opinion Editor:

Carol MacPherson, Editorial Writer:

Neal Pattison, Executive Editor:

Josh O'Connor, Publisher:

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