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The Lighter Side of the News


Bossy Americans insist on doing their own taxes

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Leprechauns like to partake in mischief, according to the lore. Lesser known is their trade — shoemakers. So it wouldn’t be wrong to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day and the first day of spring this week with a new pair of shoes, paying with your “Pot o’ Gold” gold card. Let’s have a wee look at the headlines:
I don’t give a $*%& if you call me bossy”: This is in response Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg’s new campaign to ban the word “bossy,” a toxic adjective, she argues, that’s used to deflate young women’s self esteem and discourage them from becoming leaders, Jessica Roy writes in Time.
Compared to others words used to deflate young women’s self esteem, “bossy” is a compliment. And it’s not even gender-specific. Boys are also called bossy. And all siblings know the universal response to such behavior: “You’re not the boss of me.” Which is also a fine retort to being told not to use the word “bossy.”
IRS: More Americans filing taxes on their own”: Really? They weren’t swayed by the H&R Block ad campaign in which the smug fellow informs us that Americans, “thinking they could do their own taxes,” left behind billions in unclaimed refunds last year. Get Your Billion Back, America, is the slogan. Really? That must have been one heck of a Goodwill donation everyone made.
New Jersey student who sued parents returns home”: No one ever said your 15 minutes of fame was going to be fun.
Portland Timbers announce stadium name change to Providence Park”: The not-for-profit health care provider Providence Health & Services took over the stadium naming rights from JELD-WEN. That’s a 100 percent improvement. Not bad. “Providence Park,” which invokes hope for soccer fortunes, is short and sweet. Unlike the name of their hospital in Everett: Providence Regional Medical Center Everett. That’s a tougher mouthful than “JELD-WEN.” When in an emergency, say “hospital.”
Peeing in the pool can actually be bad for you”: (Actually? Like there’s been a debate?) It’s not so great for others, either. It turns out that uric acid in urine reacts with chlorine to form cyanogen chloride and thrichloramine, which can affect the lungs, heart, central nervous system, and other organs if inhaled. Also, it’s gross.
Marshawn Lynch now has a custom jersey made of Skittles”: Dry clean only. Pairs nicely with some kicky Kit-Kat pants, and an M&M-studded hat.
Macklemore creates rap about toilet etiquette”: This busy and helpful guy is just one public service announcement away from being declared his own Seattle area non-profit agency.
Oklahoma Fox station covers over evolution segment on Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s ‘Cosmos’?”: Wow. And not in the awed, “billions upon billions of stars” kind of way.
Despite banning legal pot, Yakima seeks tax money”: How convenient. “I’m prepared to defend cries of hypocrisy from now until whenever,” Councilman Dave Ettl said. Not a gold-standard legal argument. Everyone who wants to take from the Pot o’ Gold, must allow the selling of the Pot o’ Gold.
When someone points out the piece of Butterfinger clinging to your sweater this week, proudly say it’s your custom-made candy jersey.
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472, cmacpherson@heraldnet.com

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