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The Lighter Side of the News


Mariners forget that moms of all ages wear many hats

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The Mother's Day promotion at Safeco Field today is a free white M's baseball cap to the first 10,000 moms in the gate. The promoters, however, parenthetically specify the first 10,000 moms be (21 and over).
It's difficult to imagine Safeco ticket-takers carding a young mother, and then telling her, sorry, you're not old enough to receive our baseball cap, (although you are of an age more likely to actually want to wear one). It's doubtful that the “teen mothers” that the Mariners promotion department must have in mind can afford to go to the game. (Or would have the inclination.) But even if they did, it's wrong to discriminate. Good moms (and dads) teach their children to treat everyone equally, and not to embarrass people. Let's no-hit the headlines:
What budget cuts? Only one employee laid off in entire federal government”: Gosh, how do the wheels of government manage to keep turning? Just wait for Sequestration II, The Sequel, when some federal agencies consider not giving undeserving employees bonuses, but then come to their senses, and have a good laugh.
New smartphone cases amplify sound, improve selfies”: Telephone inventor Alexander Graham Bell, who was inspired to help deaf people, once said: “Great discoveries and improvements invariably involve the cooperation of many minds. I may be given credit for having blazed the trail, but when I look at the subsequent developments I feel the credit is due to others rather than to myself.”
So what would the humble man think of “smartphones”? Well, it's good bet he'd be a big champion of the ability to text, a true boon to those who can't hear, but perhaps a lot less impressed with a smartphone case that improves one's ability to take “selfies.” (Mr. Watson, I beg you, please stop sending me pictures of yourself.”)
Coke to drop controversial ingredient entirely”: Back in someone's day, that meant cocaine. Now, of course, it means BVO, or brominated vegetable oil. Yum.
Lingerie football league gaining popularity, legitimacy”: Popularity, perhaps. But, no, not legitimacy, which would require proper uniforms. Real athletes don't compete in lingerie. (Unless it's under their uniform ala “Bull Durham”).
Former WSU and NFL player Mark Rypien's daughter, Angela Rypien, is the quarterback for the Seattle Mist lingerie team. Dad wasn't excited about the idea at first, but came around, according to a MyNorthwest.com report. (But what does mom think?) Gosh, what's not to like? The women train year-round and practice regularly just like college and pro-football players, but don't get paid. And they get to wear lingerie! What a deal!
UConn boots sorority over ‘bacon hazing'?” and “WSU sorority faces charges over public urination”: Isn't Kappa Kappa Gamma supposed to be the “smart girls” sorority? If they are rebelling against their reputation, they've been over-the-top successful. As the saying goes, This is not your mother's Kappa Kappa Gamma.
Don't send your mom a selfie today, especially if you play lingerie football. Show up in person, or use the phone for something crazy, like to call her.
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472, cmacpherson@heraldnet.com

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