Let’s wend our way through the headlines in the waning days of July:
“California couple conserving water amid drought could face fine for brown lawn”: Next, the suburb plans to ticket people who take their tans too far.
“Hula Hoop is new exercise fad”: Or more precisely, “Hula Hoop is new exercise fad, again.” Or more cutesy, “Hula Hoop as exercise comes around again.” (Can you replicate the sound it makes going around? Shhhk … shhhk … shhhk.)
“Loew to stay on as Germany coach”: That would be the World Cup-winning coach, Joachim Loew. However, his much-discussed, much-analyzed head of hair, (regarded as suspiciously black and thick) and named Dieter, has signed a contract to host its own German talk show.
“Women executives pay price for promoting diversity”: The Wall Street Journal reports, “Researchers at the University of Colorado found that women and nonwhite executives who push for women and nonwhites to be hired and promoted suffer when it comes to their own performance reviews.” Sheesh. What’s that phrase? Oh, yeah. “Can’t win for losing.”
“Elephants have 2,000 smell genes, far more than humans or dogs”: Well, given that their noses are so long they are called trunks, it seems to stand to reason. Bet they have pretty good hearing, too. To go along with their famed memory. And their intelligence, and emotional life.
“Man run over by own truck during road rage”: That happened for real. Even though it sounds like someone imagining that John Lennon wrote “Instant Karma” in 2014.
“Cars so hot they are out of stock 2014”: The article tells us that the hot cars in question are mainly SUVS and “crossovers”, and notes: “The nation’s fastest-selling cars are also disproportionately luxury cars.” Disproportionately? Only if you subscribe to the belief that the economic recovery has mainly benefited those who are already very well-to-do. Oh, wait.
“Japanese artist who made vagina-shaped kayak is jailed”: Japan is quite well known for its sexist culture, so the jailing isn’t that shocking. (Apparently the price to be paid for promoting diversity…) Meanwhile, inquiring minds want to know, for the love of “Gray’s Anatomy” (the book, not “Grey’s Anatomy” the TV show), not to mention all things nautical, … how else might a (usable) kayak be shaped?
(Fun fact: In the 1950s, Japan banned Hula Hoops due to the inappropriate “hip action.” No word on how many people were actually jailed.)
“Google takes on the human body to find out what a healthy person looks like”: Uh oh, that sounds like it’s going to involve endoscopic camera capsules, so Google can offer “Interior View” to go along with its popular “Street View” feature…
“Space Needle guests say drone crashed into window”: Wow. Isn’t’ technology cool? Which tech giant will be the first to offer “Drone View”?
“Texas college moves into old J.C. Penney”: Austin Community College has moved into the old J.C. Penney in downtown …. Seattle. Hmm, OK, but why? Did they run out of room in Texas?
Take the long view this week.
cmacpherson@heraldnet.com.
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