The traumatic shooting incident last week at the Marysville Pilchuck High School has saddened, shocked, made some fearful, but it also brought not only the Marysville’s community together, it galvanized the global community to support those directly affected by this tragedy.
The questions are often asked: What can I do to help my children? What can I do to help my love ones? And what can I do to help myself? To help answer these questions we might turn to what others who have been through harrowing events tell us about what they did to help them address their grief. Collectively these individuals tell us:
Since the key to the assisting others in a crisis, we need to work within an individual’s own value system. It makes sense that each of us will turn to different answers on how to stabilize ourselves. To support others keep in mind our goal is to assist a person in identifying his or her personal internal and external resources, which may lead to a reduction of stresses in the person’s life.
What are external resources? External resources are those motivators that exist outside of ourselves and are attributed to others or one’s environment. It can be said these resources greatly add to one’s resilience and desire to re-generate one’s energy.
Some general external resources include: loving relationships, daily exercise, physical and mental fitness, martial arts, altruism, mentors, role models, facing our fears, supportive social and work networking systems, use of our sense of humor, movies, hobbies, music, art, dancing, animals, sunshine, gardening, sports, skiing, fishing, ice skating, roller skating, reading, journaling, talk therapy, vacations, our sexuality, board or computer games, being around water, campfires, and other peaceful settings.
What are internal resources? Internal resources are those motivators that are located in one’s mind. Examples are: spirituality, meditation (prayers, yoga), deep-breathing techniques, control of dehumanizing words, self-talk, change of one perception about a situation, optimism, cognitive flexibility, a solid moral compass, visualization, facing our fears, giving our word is our bond, prayer, a desire to change, ability to have insight and a desire to focus and reach one’s goals.
Other ideas to help ourselves and those around us is to think about using some of these approaches:
Try and keep a normal schedule of events that you do day to day.
Talk. Talk. Talk. And then talk some more.
Bring out the comforting blankies, teddy bears, lambs etc.
Leave a night light on in or around a bedroom
Be available when your love one comes into your bedroom and ask: “Mom, Dad, are you awake?”
Limit your reading or watching the news about the incident. We can only take in only so many horrific stories.
Individual or group hugs are often very effective.
Let the tears of sorrow or tears for the loss of feeling safe flow. No one has died from crying.
When asked: “How are you doing?” You can note: “It sucks! But I am getting better.”
Be aware that the “darkness” of silence can affect your thoughts, so be prepared to journal or reach out to another person.
Use your pets as one of your major external resources.
Spend more time looking up rather down at your phones, iPads etc. Make eye contact with another person. A smile or a caring look can do wonders.
For a while refrain from listening to sad music. We are sad enough and we do not need more sadness from music.
Read or listen to inspirational material.
Use your school, spiritual, community, private resources when you feel you need them.
Remember you cannot only help yourself you can help others by encouraging them to do what they have done in the past to help them through a crisis.
Chuck Wright is a licensed mental health counselor and certified traumatic stress specialist living in Mill Creek.
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