On imaginary friends, self-directed play

  • By John Rosemond Tribune News Service
  • Thursday, March 19, 2015 2:10pm
  • Life

Today’s parents tend to worry about all manner of things that deserve not even second thoughts. Imaginary friends, for example. I’ve been asked many times by mothers if they should worry that their preschoolers have imaginary friends that they seem to think and, in some cases, even insist are real.

I’m not aware of any specific research on the subject, but I’ve long thought that imaginary friends sharpen language and social skills and probably even improve overall neurological functioning. As they are a product of imagination, they exercise creative abilities. Perhaps best of all, imaginary friends keep young children occupied and out from under foot. Celebrate them!

Both of my kids had imaginary friends. Eric’s was Jackson Jonesberry. For Amy, it was Shinyarinka Sinum. They would play for hours at a time with these playmates, both of whom showed up rather suddenly and then, about a year later in each case, simply disappeared and were never spoken of again.

Along these same lines, parents need not be concerned about young children who tell fantastical stories about things they claim have happened to them but obviously have not — a 4-year-old who insists that he actually rode a dragon and fought and defeated an evil wizard, for example.

Some parents mistakenly think these stories are lies and must be punished. No, this is not lying. By definition, lying is either harmful to other people or purposefully meant to conceal wrongdoing. A 4-year-old who insists he rode a dragon and fought a wizard guilty of neither.

Parents once asked me about their 4-year-old who told such creative tales fairly often and could not be threatened or even punished into admitting they were not the truth. Did he, they asked, have a problem distinguishing fantasy from reality? Of course he did, but this is nothing to be concerned about with a child this age who is functioning normally otherwise. He is simply highly imaginative, and the imagination of a child is a thing to be treasured, especially in these digital times.

And while I’m on the subject, please, parents, do not give toddlers and preschoolers digital, screen-based devices with which to occupy themselves. There’s no evidence that these gadgets (you know their names) produce future computer geniuses and a growing body of evidence that they interfere with normal brain development. Young children need to be engaged in play that is, for the most part, self-directed and open-ended; play that involves gross- and fine-motor skills.

Playing with other children (which strengthens social skills) should be balanced with a certain amount of solitary play (which strengthens imagination and creative thinking). That’s right! Play dates are fine, but young children also need to play by themselves. Eminent developmental psychologist Burton White (“The First Three Years of Life”) said he regarded the ability to play independently for at least an hour at a time on a regular basis as the best marker of good development in a 3-year-old.

So if your youngster is playing in his room, chattering away as if there’s another child with him, don’t go “check.” Just leave well enough alone.

Tribune Content Agency, LLC

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Life

Sarah Jean Muncey-Gordon puts on some BITCHSTIX lip oil at Bandbox Beauty Supply on Tuesday, Jan. 9, 2024, in Langley, Washington. (Ryan Berry / The Herald)
Bandbox Beauty was made for Whidbey Island locals, by an island local

Founder Sarah Muncey-Gordon said Langley is in a renaissance, and she’s proud to be a part of it.

A stroll on Rome's ancient Appian Way is a kind of time travel. (Cameron Hewitt)
Rick Steves on the Appian Way, Rome’s ancient superhighway

Twenty-nine highways fanned out from Rome, but this one was the first and remains the most legendary.

Byrds co-founder Roger McGuinn, seen here in 2013, will perform April 20 in Edmonds. (Associated Press)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

R0ck ‘n’ Roll Hall of Famer Roger McGuinn, frontman of The Byrds, plans a gig in Edmonds in April.

Mother giving in to the manipulation her daughter fake crying for candy
Can children be bribed into good behavior?

Only in the short term. What we want to do is promote good habits over the course of the child’s life.

Speech Bubble Puzzle and Discussion
When conflict flares, keep calm and stand your ground

Most adults don’t like dissension. They avoid it, try to get around it, under it, or over it.

The colorful Nyhavn neighborhood is the place to moor on a sunny day in Copenhagen. (Cameron Hewitt)
Rick Steves: Embrace hygge and save cash in Copenhagen

Where else would Hans Christian Andersen, a mermaid statue and lovingly decorated open-face sandwiches be the icons of a major capital?

Last Call is a festured artist at the 2024 DeMiero Jazz Festival: in Edmonds. (Photo provided by DeMiero Jazz Festival)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

Jazz ensemble Last Call is one of the featured artists at the DeMiero Jazz Festival on March 7-9 in Edmonds.

Kim Helleren
Local children’s author to read at Edmonds Bookshop

Kim Helleren will read from one of her books for kids at the next monthly Story Time at Edmonds Bookshop on March 29.

Chris Elliott
Lyft surprises traveler with a $150 cleaning charge

Jared Hakimi finds a $150 charge on his credit card after a Lyft ride. Is that allowed? And will the charge stick?

Inside Elle Marie Hair Studio in Smokey Point. (Provided by Acacia Delzer)
The best hair salon in Snohomish County

You voted, we tallied. Here are the results.

The 2024 Kia EV9 electric SUV has room for up to six or seven passengers, depending on seat configuration. (Photo provided by Kia)
Kia’s all-new EV9 electric SUV occupies rarified air

Roomy three-row electric SUVs priced below 60 grand are scarce.

2023 Toyota RAV4 Prime XSE Premium AWD (Photo provided by Toyota)
2023 Toyota RAV4 Prime XSE Premium AWD

The compact SUV electric vehicle offers customers the ultimate flexibility for getting around town in zero emission EV mode or road-tripping in hybrid mode with a range of 440 miles and 42 mile per gallon fuel economy.

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.