Expect respect, but be realistic about kids’ ability to sit still

“Children should be seen and not heard.”

That’s a saying we are all familiar with, even though most people would agree it doesn’t apply anymore. But if we look back in our cultural past, it’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment in time when this stopped being accepted as truth.

Our transformed behavioral expectations for children are especially obvious if you look inside Protestant churches. Today is Easter Sunday. Where are the children? Are they sitting next to Mom and Dad for a portion or perhaps all of the service? Or are they carefully shepherded to the Sunday school wing?

If you are a baby boomer your childhood memories of church might include your mother pacifying you with a roll of Lifesavers. But you might also remember other things too, like how beautifully the choir sang, or one tiny bit of the minister’s sermon that sank in.

Or, perhaps your recollections include pure misery. You were bored! Old people talked forever. All you wanted to do was change into play clothes and be free. You sat there in the uncomfortable pew and thought: “When I grow up, I’ll never go to church again.”

I can understand the rational behind Sunday school programs in all their glittery, glue-sticking, storytelling glory. “Kids should be with other kids so they want to come to church. Make church fun!” The path to modern Sunday school is paved with good intentions and quite a few cardboard crosses. There is definitely a case to be made for age appropriate lesson plans.

However, my understanding is that Protestant and Catholic churches involve children differently. Instead of separate child-centered classes, Catholics are more likely to participate in family-centered worship with children present for Mass. The homily can be shorter than a sermon which is easier on little ears. There is often a cry room for kids who need it. Separate youth programs sometimes happen on weeknights so that the multigenerational aspect of Mass is preserved.

No matter what religion you are or aren’t, the question of what behavior we expect from children influences all parts of our society. That family sitting next to you at a restaurant, the mother and toddler in line at the bank; how long should you realistically expect those kids to be quiet?

Fifteen years ago when I was earning my teaching certificate I learned that that the rule of thumb went by age. A 5-year-old could sit on the carpet and listen for five minutes. A 10-year-old was capable of absorbing a 10-minute lecture. But nowadays there is greater awareness about the developmental reality of children. MRI scans show that when kids fidget their brains are still paying attention. A child at rest might actually mean a brain at rest.

So I’m an advocate of high expectations for everyone. Adults should be more understanding of children who work so hard to maintain control, and children should learn that some experiences deserve reverence — at least for a little while.

Jennifer Bardsley is an Edmonds mom of two. Find her on Twitter @jennbardsley and at www.heraldnet.com/ibrakeformoms and teachingmybabytoread.com.

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Life

Brandon Hailey of Cytrus, center, plays the saxophone during a headlining show at Madam Lou’s on Friday, Dec. 29, 2023 in Seattle, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Lynnwood-based funk octet Cytrus has the juice

Resilience and brotherhood take center stage with ‘friends-first’ band.

FILE - In this April 11, 2014 file photo, Neko Case performs at the Coachella Music and Arts Festival in Indio, Calif. Fire investigators are looking for the cause of a fire on Monday, Sept. 18, 2017, that heavily damaged Case’s 225-year-old Vermont home. There were no injuries, though a barn was destroyed. It took firefighters two hours to extinguish the blaze. (Photo by Scott Roth/Invision/AP, File)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

Singer-songwriter Neko Case, an indie music icon from Tacoma, performs Sunday in Edmonds.

Dominic Arizona Bonuccelli
Tangier’s market boasts piles of fruits, veggies, and olives, countless varieties of bread, and nonperishables, like clothing and electronics.
Rick Steves on the cultural kaleidoscope of Tangier in Morocco

Walking through the city, I think to myself, “How could anyone be in southern Spain — so close — and not hop over to experience this wonderland?”

chris elliott.
Vrbo promised to cover her rental bill in Hawaii, so why won’t it?

When Cheryl Mander’s Vrbo rental in Hawaii is uninhabitable, the rental platform agrees to cover her new accommodations. But then it backs out. What happened?

The Moonlight Swing Orchestra will play classic sounds of the Big Band Era on April 21 in Everett. (submitted photo)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

Relive the Big Band Era at the Port Gardner Music Society’s final concert of the season in Everett.

2024 Honda Ridgeline TrailSport AWD (Honda)
2024 Honda Ridgeline TrailSport AWD

Honda cedes big boy pickup trucks to the likes of Ford, Dodge… Continue reading

Would you want to give something as elaborate as this a name as mundane as “bread box”? A French Provincial piece practically demands the French name panetiere.
A panetiere isn’t your modern bread box. It’s a treasure of French culture

This elaborately carved French antique may be old, but it’s still capable of keeping its leavened contents perfectly fresh.

(Judy Newton / Great Plant Picks)
Great Plant Pick: Mouse plant

What: Arisarum proboscideum, also known as mouse plant, is an herbaceous woodland… Continue reading

Bright green Japanese maple leaves are illuminated by spring sunlight. (Getty Images)
Confessions of a ‘plantophile’: I’m a bit of a junky for Japanese maples

In fact, my addiction to these glorious, all-season specimens seems to be contagious. Fortunately, there’s no known cure.

2024 Hyundai IONIQ 6 Limited (Hyundai)
2024 Hyundai IONIQ 6 Limited

The 2024 Hyundai IONIQ 6 Limited is a sporty, all-electric, all-wheel drive sedan that will quickly win your heart.

The 2024 Dodge Hornet R/T hybrid’s face has the twin red lines signifying the brand’s focus on performance. (Dodge)
2024 Hornet R/T is first electrified performance vehicle from Dodge

The all-new compact SUV travels 32 miles on pure electric power, and up to 360 miles in hybrid mode.

Don’t blow a bundle on glass supposedly made by the Henry William Stiegel

Why? Faked signatures, reused molds and imitated styles can make it unclear who actually made any given piece of glass.

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.