When it comes to sports, foster healthy competition for kids

Vickie’s parents were jumping up and down while they watched their powerful 10-year-old daughter slam the softball into left field. “Go for it Vickie,” they shrieked. Vickie was flying toward third base when the leftfielder made a great throw to the third baseman. Vickie went down for the long slide, but she was too late. The umpire called her out.

In a scene repeated throughout the land, Vickie’s parents went ballistic. Her dad charged toward the umpire, shouting at the top of his lungs: “Are you blind? Don’t you have eyes? Can’t you see she’s safe?!?” His eyes were bulging out of his head. Vickie watched her parents with a look of horror and shame.

“Oh, no, here they go again,” she sighed to herself. She wished she could shrink into the ground and disappear.

Parents can play a significant positive (or negative) role in their child’s involvement with competitive sports. What can parents do to help children have a good experience?

Dr. Tracy Spencer, longtime Everett internist, is the father of four, all of whom were competitive swimmers as teens. Needless to say, he and his wife spent many hours attending swim meets. Dr. Spencer notes, “It’s important to remember that sports are only a game. Participation in all kinds of sports can provide wonderful experiences for kids. But make sure not to compare your child with other children.”

He also warns parents: “When sports take up too much time for youngster, they may become a burden for them rather than a benefit.” As in all things, striking a balance is critical.

Parents need to keep competition in perspective. When kids are asked about what they like about sports, they rarely mention winning. Kids play sports for fun. This is precisely what parents need to remember from the moment Billie starts soccer in first grade and throughout his athletic career.

Parents can help their children enjoy sports by minimizing the competitive elements and by emphasizing skill development. The goal is for each child to learn new skills and to improve their own performance. It’s natural, to some degree, for children to get caught up in competitive fervor. Parents need to keep their own excitement in check. When parents take a more detached view about winning, children can focus on having fun.

Sports can provide children with tools for personal growth and development as well. With a capable coach and proper support from parents, kids learn how to work with other children toward a common goal. They develop mastery of their body and they experience the pleasure of accomplishing something worthwhile.

It’s all about taking a swing at the plate rather than hitting a home run. For children with less academic ambitions, sports can be a playing field filled with accomplishment and self-esteem. For some teens, athletics keep them engaged in school when otherwise they might drop out.

Finally, it also helps to make sports and physical activity a family affair. Exercise is not just for kids. Bike riding, in-line skating, swimming, softball, Frisbee, basketball and hiking can be enjoyed by “kids” of all ages. These family activities emphasize the fun aspect of sports and make for life-long health habits. Physical activity should be a regular part of life, not just for a seasonal sport.

Imagine this scenario the next time Vickie is called out. Her parents go over to her and give her a big hug. “It was so great to see you hit the ball so hard and put so much effort into going as far as you could,” her dad says, while her mother beams with pride. In this scenario, Vickie feels like she’s 10 feet tall.

Dr. Paul Schoenfeld is Director of The Everett Clinic’s Center for Behavioral Health and has been a clinical psychologist for more than 30 years. Read more of his blog at the Family Talk Blog at www.everettclinic.com/family-talk-blog.

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Life

Sarah Jean Muncey-Gordon puts on some BITCHSTIX lip oil at Bandbox Beauty Supply on Tuesday, Jan. 9, 2024, in Langley, Washington. (Ryan Berry / The Herald)
Bandbox Beauty was made for Whidbey Island locals, by an island local

Founder Sarah Muncey-Gordon said Langley is in a renaissance, and she’s proud to be a part of it.

A stroll on Rome's ancient Appian Way is a kind of time travel. (Cameron Hewitt)
Rick Steves on the Appian Way, Rome’s ancient superhighway

Twenty-nine highways fanned out from Rome, but this one was the first and remains the most legendary.

Byrds co-founder Roger McGuinn, seen here in 2013, will perform April 20 in Edmonds. (Associated Press)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

R0ck ‘n’ Roll Hall of Famer Roger McGuinn, frontman of The Byrds, plans a gig in Edmonds in April.

Mother giving in to the manipulation her daughter fake crying for candy
Can children be bribed into good behavior?

Only in the short term. What we want to do is promote good habits over the course of the child’s life.

Speech Bubble Puzzle and Discussion
When conflict flares, keep calm and stand your ground

Most adults don’t like dissension. They avoid it, try to get around it, under it, or over it.

The colorful Nyhavn neighborhood is the place to moor on a sunny day in Copenhagen. (Cameron Hewitt)
Rick Steves: Embrace hygge and save cash in Copenhagen

Where else would Hans Christian Andersen, a mermaid statue and lovingly decorated open-face sandwiches be the icons of a major capital?

Last Call is a festured artist at the 2024 DeMiero Jazz Festival: in Edmonds. (Photo provided by DeMiero Jazz Festival)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

Jazz ensemble Last Call is one of the featured artists at the DeMiero Jazz Festival on March 7-9 in Edmonds.

Kim Helleren
Local children’s author to read at Edmonds Bookshop

Kim Helleren will read from one of her books for kids at the next monthly Story Time at Edmonds Bookshop on March 29.

Chris Elliott
Lyft surprises traveler with a $150 cleaning charge

Jared Hakimi finds a $150 charge on his credit card after a Lyft ride. Is that allowed? And will the charge stick?

Inside Elle Marie Hair Studio in Smokey Point. (Provided by Acacia Delzer)
The best hair salon in Snohomish County

You voted, we tallied. Here are the results.

The 2024 Kia EV9 electric SUV has room for up to six or seven passengers, depending on seat configuration. (Photo provided by Kia)
Kia’s all-new EV9 electric SUV occupies rarified air

Roomy three-row electric SUVs priced below 60 grand are scarce.

2023 Toyota RAV4 Prime XSE Premium AWD (Photo provided by Toyota)
2023 Toyota RAV4 Prime XSE Premium AWD

The compact SUV electric vehicle offers customers the ultimate flexibility for getting around town in zero emission EV mode or road-tripping in hybrid mode with a range of 440 miles and 42 mile per gallon fuel economy.

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.