In regard to the running commentary in these letters about John Rosemond’s weekly column on parenting, there are some issues to sort out. I agree with Kelly Matteucci’s comment that “morality, manners, purpose, critical thinking” are important to instill in our children. But how to do that? Modern parents have rejected past methods of punishment and harsh verbal abuse, knowing that those methods deprive children of self-esteem and can lead to very negative social behavior. But then they have seemingly been left with only one choice — permissiveness.
But that can lead to chaos, which is what I think those defending Rosemond are objecting to. There is, however, a third option that can work for parents who, themselves, have good self-control. This method, advocated by Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs, eliminates criticism, punishment, even rewards but insists on respect for both persons and property, orderliness and other responsible behaviors.
Dreikurs said, “It will take time and sustained effort for the basic principle (of changing from a dominance/submission model to one of democratic relationships) to become entrenched into tradition.” But without this shift, he went on, “the present confusion and ineffectiveness of the adult population in dealing with its young will have no chance of being corrected.”
One of his books, “Children the Challenge,” describes how to make this shift. I’ve used his methods with my grandchildren with great effect, not only on their behavior but on our positive relationships. I’ve found it a pleasure to enjoy the company of children when they’re well-behaved and we adults are also.
Sonja Larson
Mill Creek
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