Shooter’s texts to girlfriend bore warning signs, experts say

MARYSVILLE — They may have been warning signs.

Text messages Jaylen Fryberg sent his girlfriend in the days after a breakup and before his killing spree at Marysville Pilchuck High School last year expressed jealousy, threatened suicide and attempted to inflict guilt.

Those are some of the behaviors domestic violence experts describe when discussing abusive relationships.

For the past year, as the Tulalip and Marysville communities recover from the crime, counselors have spent time teaching teens and adults how to recognize the warning signs of toxic relationships.

Detectives investigating the shootings say they can’t pinpoint Jaylen’s motive. Likewise, domestic violence experts are reluctant to make specific conclusions based on the text messages.

However, they do believe the texts exchanged between Jaylen and his girlfriend contained potential warning signs that the breakup could become volatile.

Vicci Hilty, the executive director of Domestic Violence Services of Snohomish County, said she spotted reasons for concern after reviewing the messages between Jaylen, 15, and his girlfriend.

“We don’t have enough facts or solid information,” to say the relationship was abusive, Hilty said. “We did see some red flags that could be interpreted as teen dating violence.”

Last year, the nonprofit agency reached 4,475 middle and high school students with lessons about teen dating violence.

Jaylen was texting and trying to contact the girl, 15, moments before he opened fire inside the school cafeteria. He killed four of his friends and injured a fifth. He also killed himself.

Jaylen and his girlfriend of more than a year had broken up a week earlier. In the days leading up to the shootings Jaylen became increasingly agitated. The girl attempted to break off communication and in response Jaylen threatened to kill himself.

Three days before the shootings Jaylen sent the girl texts saying: “The guns (sic) in my hand.” and “Ohk (sic) well don’t bother coming to my funeral.”

Many of his texts that final week were sent late at night or in the early morning. Some were during the school day.

Two days before the shootings, he wrote a text saying: “I set the date. Hopefully you regret not talking to me.”

Two minutes later, he wrote: “You have no idea what I’m talking about. But you will” followed by “Bang bang I’m dead.”

After she wrote a text telling him to knock it off, he texted: “No. You don’t care. I don’t care.”

The day before the shootings, he continued to send frequent texts to his girlfriend and her cousin in an effort to reach her. The cousin told detectives the texts were “blowing up my phone.”

On the day of the shootings he sent more messages attempting to get a response. He sent a picture of himself with a pistol between his legs. The girl called him and spoke with him for a couple of minutes.

She wrote Jaylen’s dad a message detailing the conversation.

“So he was pretending he was going to kill himself. So I called him. And told him to stop. He was saying how even before him &I broke up he was thinking about this. &when I asked him why he said ‘I don’t want to be here anymore’ Then I told him I was going to call you and then hung up,” the girl wrote Jaylen’s dad.

She added that Jaylen sent another message after she hung up, saying that he lied and “just wanted her to talk to me.”

The girl sent the text message to Jaylen’s dad at 10:43 a.m. She didn’t know Jaylen already had shot five of his friends and killed himself.

The flurry of text messages in the days before the shootings appear to demonstrate escalating behaviors and jealousy, which often are red flags to potential violence, Hilty said.

The messages also underscore the intense feelings teens — and adults, for that matter — can feel when a relationship is ending.

Domestic Violence Services has been focusing increasing time and resources on strategies to prepare young people in the event they go through a breakup. The days around a broken relationship can be the most dangerous for victims.

Nationally, roughly one in three teens will have some type of abusive relationship. That can take many forms beyond physical abuse, including verbal, emotional, financial, sexual or through social media, said Jenny Wieland, who spends several months a year visiting middle and high school classrooms for Domestic Violence Services.

Much of her message is aimed at friends of victims because they are more likely to know about abuse than the victims’ parents. Of teens in abusive relationships, just 32 percent confide in their parents about their situation, according to a national survey.

Parents’ knowledge of their teen’s online life also can be limited.

A national survey found 42 percent of teens 13 through 18 said their parents know nothing or very little about what they do online.

Hilty said parents should be willing to talk to their children about social media and texting and can suggest that they put their cellphones out of reach in the hours they should be sleeping.

Mental health professional Pat Morris declined to talk specifically about the Marysville shootings but said the tragedy provides an opportunity to talk about teen suicides.

Morris is the senior director of behavioral health services for Volunteers of America. She’s also on the recovery team that’s been working to give Marysville students and staff resources to cope with the school violence.

Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people in Washington. That rate is about 10 percent higher than the national average. In Snohomish County, 13 young people killed themselves between September 2014 and June.

Boys are more likely than girls to take their own lives. The suicide rate for Native American youth is about 2½ times greater than the national average, according to the Center for Native American Youth at the Aspen Institute.

Since the shootings Morris has provided six training sessions around Marysville and Tulalip to share the warning signs of teen suicide and the resources available to intervene.

There is no one-size-fits-all list of red flags. It’s important to notice if someone is going through a major life event, such as a break-up or the death of a friend or relative. Morris advises people to pay attention if young people become withdrawn or change their group of friends or lose interest in their normal activities.

She counsels parents and friends to ask the hard question if they notice changes. Asking a direct question can help people open up about what’s bothering them, Morris said, such as “Sometimes when people break up or are having trouble with school they think of suicide. Are you thinking about suicide?”

People don’t threaten suicide just for attention, she said. They are reaching out for help.

In her classes, Morris tells people that they aren’t responsible for fixing people’s problems, but they can support them and refer their friend or relative to a professional.

“It’s a difficult topic to talk about but we need to foster more open conversations,” Morris said.

Diana Hefley: 425-339-3463; hefley@heraldnet.com. Twitter: @dianahefley.

Suicide prevention resources

If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.

Care Crisis Chat: www.carecrisischat.org. An anonymous chat line.

Care Crisis Line: 800-584-3578. A mental health crisis hotline.

211 toll-free number available statewide for people to call for health and human service information.

MY3 app available at www.my3app.org. Allows people to list and reach out to three people when user is thinking of suicide.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255 or www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

Domestic violence prevention resources

DVS Crisis Line: 425-252-2873

National Teen Dating Abuse Line: 866-331-9474 or visit www.loveisrespect.org to chat online.