Let’s leaf through the this week’s headlines.
“Blood moon has some expecting end of the world”: Some apocaplypse-awaiting group, somewhere, is always expecting the end of the world. If the world actually ends on Sept. 27-28, well, then they can gloat.
“R.E.M. bashes Trump, Cruz for using ‘It’s the End of the World’ at rally”: But the song contains the lyric, “And a government for hire and a combat site,” Trump said in his defense.
“?‘Speak American,’ Sarah Palin tells a bilingual Jeb Bush”: And if you can’t speak American, at least speak a little Palin, like: “Only dead fish go with the flow.” Or, “Sólo los peces muertos van con el flujo.”
“Like humans, sperm whales have dialects”: Unlike humans, they don’t use them to discriminate, or create class social stratifications.
“Rolls-Royce going after younger drivers with new convertible”: Hmm. Really, Jeeves? By “younger drivers” do they mean anyone under the age of 75?
“Tiffany triumphs in Costco dispute”: Even good companies make mistakes now and then. The High-end retailer Tiffany &Co. sued Costco in 2013 for selling engagement rings labeled “Tiffany” that were not, in fact, those of Tiffany &Co. Costco claimed in a countersuit that “Tiffany” is a generic term for a pronged ring, an argument the court rejected this week.
It’s difficult to believe that Costco didn’t have someone on its legal team who would raise the point: How would Costco react if a store was selling toilet paper labeled “Kirkland” that Costco did not manufacture? What if that store argued that “Kirkland” is generic for a specific bulk product, such as toilet paper?
“Washington State might be in a can’t-win situation with Mike Leach”: Yeah, who ever could have predicted that hiring a coach with a law degree who was busy suing his former school for unlawful firing, and suing ESPN for libel, would ever backfire?
He lost those lawsuits, which was predictable to all, except him. He did, however, get himself quite a contract at WSU, which is what the headline references — it would cost too much money to fire him at this juncture of his very lucrative contract, as Michael Preston of CougCenter.com reported.
“Coaching Seahawks is a family affair for Pete Carroll, sons”: This is not a new phenomena. In fact, what would be labeled “nepotism” in other jobs and industries, seems a birthright in the NFL and NBA and probably other sports leagues. Well, and presidential races, for that matter.
“Brian Williams returns to air on MSNBC on Sept. 22 for pope visit”: So he can ask for forgiveness?
“State to use mist to stem the smell from pier work in Mukilteo”: Meanwhile, Weird Al Yankovic is busy at work on a parody song of “Smoke From A Distant Fire,” which includes the new lyrics, “Cause your eyes had a mist from the smell of a distant pier.”
Never mind the real words, sing songs the way you hear them this week.
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472; cmacpherson@heraldnet.com.
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