Lake Stevens mom who’s been there helps those grieving find hope

SNOHOMISH — Michelle Frost knows how tricky it is to balance grief and hope.

She worked as a hospice nurse for about three decades, first in Snohomish County and then as head of palliative care at Children’s Hospital in Seattle. She helped patients and their families cope with life-threatening illnesses like cancer.

When her daughter, Lexi Frost, now 22, was diagnosed with leukemia a couple of months before her second birthday, Frost became a grieving mother who didn’t know if her child would recover.

“In the early nineties I was a hospice nurse and worst case scenario for me was my child gets diagnosed with a life-threatening illness,” Michelle Frost said, recalling her daughter’s five-year battle with cancer. “We knew is was going to be difficult to treat, and then she relapsed. She had all the joy of being done with cancer and then she relapsed. It was really odd and really scary.”

Lexi beat cancer in 1999 after a transplant of bone marrow donated by her older brother.

Now Michelle Frost, 57, works as a life coach who specializes in helping people transition to their new reality after losing a loved one or while coping with a life-threatening diagnosis. She calls it Resiliency Coaching.

Her goal is to share a message of hope and hidden strength.

She’ll be bringing that message to Providence Hospice of Seattle’s 16th annual Pediatric Luncheon on Oct. 1. She’s the keynote speaker at the event, which raises money for services including hospice care and grief programs such as Camp Erin for children and teens. Frost was one of the directors of the first Camp Erin, which started in Snohomish County. There now are 46 camps in 27 states plus three in Canada.

It’s an honor to speak at an event that supports those programs, Frost said. Her presentation is called “Wrestling with Sorrow: The Intersection of Personal and Professional Experience.”

“It’s really about the impact any one person has just by being willing to enter into someone else’s sorrow,” Frost said. “I hope it’s a message of healing and what we can do just by being present in someone’s life.”

Frost, who lives in Lake Stevens, opened her business in December and moved to an office in downtown Snohomish this summer. There, she does life coaching for a specific group of people.

“My niche is really people grieving the loss of someone they loved, caregivers or people who have a life-threatening illness themselves and, maybe most importantly, the parents who have children with life-threatening illnesses,” she said.

She doesn’t focus on the acute phase of grieving, when people still are coming to grips with the sorrow, anger, disbelief and myriad other emotions that come on the heels of a major loss or diagnosis. That’s where resources like counselors or support groups are critical. Frost’s ideal life coaching client is someone who is at least a year past the first waves of intense emotion. Those waves often leave behind someone trying to figure out who they are in a world where an important piece suddenly is gone or threatened.

“It’s when they’re saying, ‘I’ve lived on. Now how do I do that?’ ” Frost said.

Fear is their greatest foe.

“Sometimes the fear is real, and sometimes it’s the fear that we make up,” she said. “We all do it. We have a thought and that thought elicits an emotion and then we’re down the road to letting it color our perspective.”

Frost tries to help people question their fears. She coaches in person and over the phone, working with each client weekly for six to 12 weeks. She also hosts small-group workshops.

“I’ve had to come through a lot of experiences myself, so it’s been kind of innate for me, that resiliency piece,” Frost said. “When I’m talking to a parent whose child is in cancer treatment, I can really relate to how isolating that can feel. I’ve definitely walked in those shoes.”

People are looking for tools to help them move forward, she said. She shares with them the devices she’s added to her own toolbox over the years.

“It’s what I’ve learned along the way, wisdom I’ve gained,” Frost said. “It’s hard-won wisdom.”

Kari Bray: 425-339-3439; kbray@heraldnet.com