If you’re looking for a local, Snohomish County specific Halloween costume, consider these possibilities: 1. The greedy evil villain Eminent Domain. 2. The complicated and scary EB-5 Securities Fraudster. 3. The Bikini Barista Money Launderer. 4. The Walking Dead Good to Go Flex Pass Zombie. Let’s look at the spooky headlines:
“More than 3,300 I-405 drivers double charged by Good to Go”: That is scary! It sounds about right, however, especially if targets the low-income and/or people actually trying to carpool.
“Still not making a dime, Twitter fires hundreds”: Yes, when a company doesn’t actually make, or sell, anything, it’s difficult to turn a profit.
“4.2 billion people are still offline”: Darn. How can you sell them stuff, then?
“Teen mood swings usually decline with age”: At which point they become adult mood swings.
“Nike sets aggressive revenue target for $50 billion by 2020”: As opposed to its current laid-back, passive, who-gives-a-hoot profit strategy?
“Sonic: Good hasn’t been good enough for Wall Street”: The fast food company, and other businesses, need to take a page from the Costco playbook: Run your company the way you think best, doing the things that brought you success, and don’t pay attention to Wall Street pundits.
Wall Street always has little confidence in Costco, which in turn has always been hugely profitable and popular, even as it pays its employees well, and treats customers fairly. Crazy.
“Carroll: Marshawn Lynch ‘ready to go’ for Seahawks”: Darn tootin’ he is, after back-up running back Thomas Rawls rushed for a very impressive 169 yards against the Cincinnati Bengals last week, (an amount of yardage Lynch has never reached.)
“Clinton’s camp says she ‘could have a serious meltdown’?”: Wow. With loyal supporters like these, who needs the GOP?
“Landlord offers vegetarian rental discount”: Despite the headline, the discount is for vegetarians, rather than a vegetarian discount, which sounds like you’ll be given a bean burrito in lieu of higher rent, or something.
“Porn audio blares over Target loudspeakers”: It took a while for people to notice, however, since it just sounded like people shopping energetically, and saying stuff like, “I want it!”; “Try it on!”; and “Charge it!”
“Ancestors ‘had less sleep’ than we do”: Yes, and they lived much shorter lives, as well. Maybe they were just trying to make good use of their time. (This study is supposed to dispel the notion that modern people need the commonly recommended eight hours of sleep because our ancestors didn’t sleep that much.)
“Amazon challenges Etsy with Handmade at Amazon”: Oh, joy. And the crafts will be delivered to your door by a knitted drone.
Fluff up your comfy, cushy pillows, and have an extra hour or many hours of sleep this week in honor of your non-lazy Paleo ancestors.
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472; cmacpherson@heraldnet.com.
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