Dear Grandparenting: I feel a rant coming on. I just got off the phone with my 15-year-old granddaughter in Massachusetts. We usually talk every week. I could tell something was wrong. She had broken up with her boyfriend. They had been joined at the hip for more than a year. I asked what his reason was. She said he didn’t bother to explain. He sent her a little message on her cell phone about how she bored him and goodbye.
He took the coward’s way out, and showed zero consideration for her feelings. The poor thing is devastated. That’s the second time she’s been dumped like that. You owe the other person some explanation. I am certain boys get the same treatment too. If this keeps up we’ll have a generation of grandchildren too emotionally damaged to commit to a loving relationship. — Going Bananas, Denver, CO
Dear Bananas: It would be difficult to overstate just how much digital technologies dominate the dating lives of grandchildren in 2015. Computers and smart phones are the tools that teens use in all phases of their romantic relationships — flirting and expressing interest in potential partners, communicating with significant others and terminating relationships.
A recent study by Pew Research that surveyed more than 1,000 youth ages 13-17 confirmed the firm grip that technology has on teen’s romantic endeavors — for better or worse. Nearly two-thirds use social media sites like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to flirt. A majority believed it’s a good way to connect and stay in touch with their partners.
Roughly the same number said the technology offers a good means of showing others how much they care about their partners, although grandsons value this aspect more than granddaughters.
There’s a well-documented dark side to social media. Flirting behavior and unwanted advances can make teens uncomfortable. The term “textual harassment” refers to instances where embittered youth bombard partners with abusive messages, sometimes thousands daily. Others exact their revenge through a variety of troubling or sometimes creepy digital maneuvers, including outright threats, spreading nasty rumors, impersonating someone or distributing embarrassing photos.
Social media certainly gives teens more options for splitting up. The Pew study found that teens know what’s right, and 78% said that breaking the news in person — in real life, or “IRL” in digital speak — was the “most acceptable method.” Doing it by telephone was the distant second most acceptable way. Still further down the list was texting. But at least that’s better than another technique some grandchildren use — via messenger, having a friend do the dirty work. When some people want out, any door will do.
Grand remark of the week: Bam and Pam from Kingsport, Tennesse, invited their grandchildren over for Sunday brunch. Granddaughter Annie asked if it was customary to say grace before eating.
“We don’t have to,” said Bam. “Grandma is an excellent cook.”
Dee and Tom, married more than 50 years, have eight grandchildren. Together with Key, they welcome questions, suggestions and Grand Remarks of the Week. Send to P.O. Box 27454, Towson, MD, 21285. Call 410-963-4426.
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