Yuuuuge from New York

Channel-surfing the vast cultural wasteland: Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump is scheduled to host NBC’s “Saturday Night Live” tonight.

In the interests of fairness, NBC has offered the other Republican candidates time on its other shows. Ben Carson will play the soft-spoken but nutty neighbor on “Truth Be Told.” Marco Rubio joins Team Gwen on “The Voice.” Chris Christie will play a mob boss on “The Player.” And Jeb Bush will play a dead body on “Law &Order: SVU.”

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Dak the Knife: A newly discovered dinosaur species, Dakotaraptor, stood 6 feet tall, was 17 feet long, could run 40 mph and had a 9-inch long killing claw. “Dakotaraptor coexisted with all of our favorites from our childhoods,” said a natural history museum curator.

“‘Coexisted,’ he says,” said a gentle plant-eating hadrosaur. “I’d like to see how long a natural history museum curator coexists with a Dakotaraptor.”

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Exhausted with a chance of jet lag: Al Roker of NBC’s “Today” show will attempt to give weather reports from locations in all 50 states in a week’s time.

As incentive to keep to his schedule during the cross-country trip, Roker will be pursued by a Dakotaraptor.

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