What’s not to like about mobile device lifestyle?

  • By Paul Schoenfeld
  • Friday, November 13, 2015 3:31pm
  • Life

Technology, culture, and psychology come together and create new social customs.

In the 1960s, color televisions and TV dinners brought families together to eat dinner in front of the TV. Video games in the 1980s created a new form of social connection for kids. Personal computers transformed the social landscape of communication: email and online chats.

The Internet launched all of us into an information age that we could barely imagine. Facebook changed the meaning of staying in touch. Now smartphones have taken us into an entirely new social universe — texting and instant communication.

I was at a meeting the other day, and each person in the meeting whipped out their smartphones — like six shooters — and laid them on the conference table at the ready.

During the meeting, practically everyone glanced at their phone, reviewed either emails or texts, and silently tapped out responses. Had they been talking on their cellphone in the middle of the meeting, they would have been met with stony stares.

But no one batted an eye. This is the new social norm.

I rarely hear cellphones ring any more, instead I hear the steady tones of a text arriving, like the pitter patter of rain falling on the roof. Why call anyone when you can text them? Phone calls will soon disappear like phone booths.

I know I must be getting old. In addition to my thinning hair and growing paunch, I have resisted joining this new culture of communication. What’s wrong with me? I am clearly missing out on daily one-liners from my kids, my friends and my coworkers. I am quickly becoming out of touch with popular culture — the first sign of old age. Soon, my friends tell me, I will be irrelevant.

What’s not to like about this new form of social intercourse? There is nothing wrong with texting, but like many aspects of American life, we tend to overdo everything.

Teens may have to join T.A. or “Texters Anonymous.” Many kids are sending over 100 texts a day. Adults are quickly catching up.

So what’s my beef?

Constant texting and continual communication interferes with being in the here and now. It diverts our attention from really listening to each other, smelling the air on an autumn day, hearing the birds sing, and paying attention to what’s happening around us. It stops us from noticing and experiencing ourselves. It keeps us away from living the moment. Do we have to be doing something every minute of the day?

Yes, it’s nice to know that someone else is thinking about you. It can help us feel connected to the vast social world we live in. But how meaningful is the content of these messages or posts? Are we trivializing our lives by taking pictures of a meal and posting it on Facebook? Does pressing “like” really mean anything? Or is it just making believe that we are paying attention to each other?

Here’s my suggestion for living in the moment and forming more substantial connections with friends and family:

Turn off your phone for some time every day. Turn off your phone when you are having meals with friends and family. Leave your phone off when you are taking a walk. Spend some time alone, just with yourself, without distraction. Spend time with loved ones, without any interruptions. You won’t be sorry.

Check social media and email less frequently. How about looking at Instagram or Facebook only once or twice a day? Just because you have a smartphone doesn’t mean that you have to use it every minute.

How about a phone-free day? See what happens. You might find yourself walking around with a smile.

Dr. Paul Schoenfeld is Director of The Everett Clinic’s Center for Behavioral Health and has been a clinical psychologist for more than 30 years. Read more of his blog at the Family Talk Blog at www.everettclinic.com/family-talk-blog.

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Life

Sarah Jean Muncey-Gordon puts on some BITCHSTIX lip oil at Bandbox Beauty Supply on Tuesday, Jan. 9, 2024, in Langley, Washington. (Ryan Berry / The Herald)
Bandbox Beauty was made for Whidbey Island locals, by an island local

Founder Sarah Muncey-Gordon said Langley is in a renaissance, and she’s proud to be a part of it.

A stroll on Rome's ancient Appian Way is a kind of time travel. (Cameron Hewitt)
Rick Steves on the Appian Way, Rome’s ancient superhighway

Twenty-nine highways fanned out from Rome, but this one was the first and remains the most legendary.

Byrds co-founder Roger McGuinn, seen here in 2013, will perform April 20 in Edmonds. (Associated Press)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

R0ck ‘n’ Roll Hall of Famer Roger McGuinn, frontman of The Byrds, plans a gig in Edmonds in April.

Mother giving in to the manipulation her daughter fake crying for candy
Can children be bribed into good behavior?

Only in the short term. What we want to do is promote good habits over the course of the child’s life.

Speech Bubble Puzzle and Discussion
When conflict flares, keep calm and stand your ground

Most adults don’t like dissension. They avoid it, try to get around it, under it, or over it.

The colorful Nyhavn neighborhood is the place to moor on a sunny day in Copenhagen. (Cameron Hewitt)
Rick Steves: Embrace hygge and save cash in Copenhagen

Where else would Hans Christian Andersen, a mermaid statue and lovingly decorated open-face sandwiches be the icons of a major capital?

Last Call is a festured artist at the 2024 DeMiero Jazz Festival: in Edmonds. (Photo provided by DeMiero Jazz Festival)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

Jazz ensemble Last Call is one of the featured artists at the DeMiero Jazz Festival on March 7-9 in Edmonds.

Kim Helleren
Local children’s author to read at Edmonds Bookshop

Kim Helleren will read from one of her books for kids at the next monthly Story Time at Edmonds Bookshop on March 29.

Chris Elliott
Lyft surprises traveler with a $150 cleaning charge

Jared Hakimi finds a $150 charge on his credit card after a Lyft ride. Is that allowed? And will the charge stick?

Inside Elle Marie Hair Studio in Smokey Point. (Provided by Acacia Delzer)
The best hair salon in Snohomish County

You voted, we tallied. Here are the results.

The 2024 Kia EV9 electric SUV has room for up to six or seven passengers, depending on seat configuration. (Photo provided by Kia)
Kia’s all-new EV9 electric SUV occupies rarified air

Roomy three-row electric SUVs priced below 60 grand are scarce.

2023 Toyota RAV4 Prime XSE Premium AWD (Photo provided by Toyota)
2023 Toyota RAV4 Prime XSE Premium AWD

The compact SUV electric vehicle offers customers the ultimate flexibility for getting around town in zero emission EV mode or road-tripping in hybrid mode with a range of 440 miles and 42 mile per gallon fuel economy.

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.