Technology, culture, and psychology come together and create new social customs.
In the 1960s, color televisions and TV dinners brought families together to eat dinner in front of the TV. Video games in the 1980s created a new form of social connection for kids. Personal computers transformed the social landscape of communication: email and online chats.
The Internet launched all of us into an information age that we could barely imagine. Facebook changed the meaning of staying in touch. Now smartphones have taken us into an entirely new social universe — texting and instant communication.
I was at a meeting the other day, and each person in the meeting whipped out their smartphones — like six shooters — and laid them on the conference table at the ready.
During the meeting, practically everyone glanced at their phone, reviewed either emails or texts, and silently tapped out responses. Had they been talking on their cellphone in the middle of the meeting, they would have been met with stony stares.
But no one batted an eye. This is the new social norm.
I rarely hear cellphones ring any more, instead I hear the steady tones of a text arriving, like the pitter patter of rain falling on the roof. Why call anyone when you can text them? Phone calls will soon disappear like phone booths.
I know I must be getting old. In addition to my thinning hair and growing paunch, I have resisted joining this new culture of communication. What’s wrong with me? I am clearly missing out on daily one-liners from my kids, my friends and my coworkers. I am quickly becoming out of touch with popular culture — the first sign of old age. Soon, my friends tell me, I will be irrelevant.
What’s not to like about this new form of social intercourse? There is nothing wrong with texting, but like many aspects of American life, we tend to overdo everything.
Teens may have to join T.A. or “Texters Anonymous.” Many kids are sending over 100 texts a day. Adults are quickly catching up.
So what’s my beef?
Constant texting and continual communication interferes with being in the here and now. It diverts our attention from really listening to each other, smelling the air on an autumn day, hearing the birds sing, and paying attention to what’s happening around us. It stops us from noticing and experiencing ourselves. It keeps us away from living the moment. Do we have to be doing something every minute of the day?
Yes, it’s nice to know that someone else is thinking about you. It can help us feel connected to the vast social world we live in. But how meaningful is the content of these messages or posts? Are we trivializing our lives by taking pictures of a meal and posting it on Facebook? Does pressing “like” really mean anything? Or is it just making believe that we are paying attention to each other?
Here’s my suggestion for living in the moment and forming more substantial connections with friends and family:
Turn off your phone for some time every day. Turn off your phone when you are having meals with friends and family. Leave your phone off when you are taking a walk. Spend some time alone, just with yourself, without distraction. Spend time with loved ones, without any interruptions. You won’t be sorry.
Check social media and email less frequently. How about looking at Instagram or Facebook only once or twice a day? Just because you have a smartphone doesn’t mean that you have to use it every minute.
How about a phone-free day? See what happens. You might find yourself walking around with a smile.
Dr. Paul Schoenfeld is Director of The Everett Clinic’s Center for Behavioral Health and has been a clinical psychologist for more than 30 years. Read more of his blog at the Family Talk Blog at www.everettclinic.com/family-talk-blog.
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