Let’s look at the silly headlines:
“Google’s new AI will reply to your emails so you don’t have to”: Hmm. OK, if you want to hand over the reading of your email to an “artificial intelligence,” as it is known, and in this case what Google calls a “smart reply tool,” go right ahead. Even if it doesn’t seem really intelligent, in reality. The tool is supposed to replace the “tedium” of replying to email. But since you have to read each artificial response, and quite possibly edit it, and then send it, it’s difficult to calculate how much time is saved, or tediousness averted.
“Cops pull over Google driverless car — but not for speeding”: It was going too slow. Artificially slow. (24 mph in a 35 mph zone.) Just what we need — more robotic left-lane campers, on which your creative hand gestures and road rage will be totally lost. Google immediately played the robot card, saying that they didn’t think a human would be pulled over for driving too slowly. (Which sounds similar to what humans say when they get ticketed by a red light camera for not completely coming to a stop before they take a free right turn.)
“Donald Trump is either launching a new, even-Trumpier campaign, or he’s self-sabotaging”: Great headline. It’s always fun to when someone’s name works well as an adjective, adverb or whatever. (Try “Clintonian” if you feel Trump is somehow being picked on too much.)
“Pastafarian gets to wear strainer on head in license photo”: The Massachusetts woman belongs to Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and won her petition to wear a colander on her head based on religious beliefs — the only exception for allowing people to wear any kind of hat or headgear in their license photo. The division was born when it split from the strict Church of the Fundamentalist Noodle, whose members still believe that throwing spaghetti against the wall is still the best way to test if its done, among other ancient practices.
“Sacrilege? Jeep to make purple Wranglers”: Wow. Childhood dreams do come true! Even if 40-something years later… As a kid, I loved my little purple Tonka toy jeep so much I vowed to own a real purple jeep when I was old enough to drive. So here’s my chance. Uh… Thank goodness no one holds us to our childhood dreams!
“Drone hits Seattle’s Ferris wheel, police investigating”: One more example why the FAA is (belatedly) going to mandate that all recreational drones be registered. Good grief! These aren’t kites.
“KFC to start San Francisco home delivery”: Will they use a drone that looks like a chicken?
“Seahawks fans petition to ban FOX’s Buck, Aikman from broadcasts”: Oh, come on, 12s, don’t be so reactionary. If you insist that announcers be “unbiased,” what do you want to do with the beloved but often-unintelligble-because-he-is-so-excited Steve Raible?
Has a gluten-free sect broken away from the Pastafarians yet? Wear a kitchen accessory on your head this week.
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472; cmacpherson@heraldnet.com.
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