Kids, meet the person behind the Mommy

How well do your children know you? If they sifted through a stack of biographies with the names blacked out, could they find the one that belonged to you?

I could have sworn my kids knew me inside out. After all, I’ve devoted my whole life to the little monsters. Surely they would be able to answer such basic questions as “Where was I born? How old am I?” and “When is my birthday?”

But the truth is its own horror story. There are strangers on the Internet who probably know more about me than my children. I discovered this while schlepping my kids to a school concert after a rushed mac-and-cheese dinner.

It was a dark and stormy night. A football in the back of our SUV thumped against the hatch like a decapitated head, especially on the hills of Lynnwood. My son and daughter were engaged in a battle of memories, trying to prove who could remember more. “What did we eat for dinner last night? What did we do the previous weekend?” The score was a cruel tie and it was up to me to issue the final question.

“What is my middle name?” I asked over the frenetic sound of windshield wipers.

The backseat became as silent as a morgue. Finally my daughter admitted that she and her brother had no idea.

Slayed, I moved on to something I thought would be easier. “What was the name of my first dog?” Surely they would remember my heart-wrenching story of Powder-Puff decimated by a coyote.

Nope.

I tried another question. “What was my first job?”

“Scooping elephant poop!” my son hollered.

I decided to give him partial credit for that one, because my first paying job was being a fifth-grade teaching assistant at the San Diego Zoo, where one day every week the campers got dirty with dung.

I began firing off basic questions from my resume, things I didn’t expect them to know but I thought they should probably discover. “What was my major in college? Where did I go to graduate school? How many years was I a teacher?”

I was met with total ignorance, which made me want to scream. It also helped me understand why my kids sometimes treat me like their servant. I am, after all, the woman who cooks their food, does their laundry, cleans their toilet and chauffeurs them to delightful school performances on Wednesday nights when she could be out to dinner with friends.

Maybe the rest of it, what I could be doing, isn’t as important as what I am doing right now, being there for them when they need me. Still, I don’t want to be their mommy-zombie, the walking body that cares for their needs and drives them around to stuff, but has no backstory of her own.

At the very least, gosh darn it, from now on they better remember my birthday. If not, I will haunt them forever.

Jennifer Bardsley lives in Edmonds. Her book “Genesis Girl” comes out September 27, 2016. Find her online on Instagram @the_ya_gal, Twitter @jennbardsley or at teachingmybabytoread.com.

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Life

Brandon Hailey of Cytrus, center, plays the saxophone during a headlining show at Madam Lou’s on Friday, Dec. 29, 2023 in Seattle, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Lynnwood-based funk octet Cytrus has the juice

Resilience and brotherhood take center stage with ‘friends-first’ band.

FILE - In this April 11, 2014 file photo, Neko Case performs at the Coachella Music and Arts Festival in Indio, Calif. Fire investigators are looking for the cause of a fire on Monday, Sept. 18, 2017, that heavily damaged Case’s 225-year-old Vermont home. There were no injuries, though a barn was destroyed. It took firefighters two hours to extinguish the blaze. (Photo by Scott Roth/Invision/AP, File)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

Singer-songwriter Neko Case, an indie music icon from Tacoma, performs Sunday in Edmonds.

Sarah Jean Muncey-Gordon puts on some BITCHSTIX lip oil at Bandbox Beauty Supply on Tuesday, Jan. 9, 2024, in Langley, Washington. (Ryan Berry / The Herald)
Bandbox Beauty was made for Whidbey Island locals, by an island local

Founder Sarah Muncey-Gordon said Langley is in a renaissance, and she’s proud to be a part of it.

Dominic Arizona Bonuccelli
Tangier’s market boasts piles of fruits, veggies, and olives, countless varieties of bread, and nonperishables, like clothing and electronics.
Rick Steves on the cultural kaleidoscope of Tangier in Morocco

Walking through the city, I think to myself, “How could anyone be in southern Spain — so close — and not hop over to experience this wonderland?”

chris elliott.
Vrbo promised to cover her rental bill in Hawaii, so why won’t it?

When Cheryl Mander’s Vrbo rental in Hawaii is uninhabitable, the rental platform agrees to cover her new accommodations. But then it backs out. What happened?

Byrds co-founder Roger McGuinn, seen here in 2013, will perform April 20 in Edmonds. (Associated Press)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

R0ck ‘n’ Roll Hall of Famer Roger McGuinn, frontman of The Byrds, plans a gig in Edmonds in April.

Mother giving in to the manipulation her daughter fake crying for candy
Can children be bribed into good behavior?

Only in the short term. What we want to do is promote good habits over the course of the child’s life.

Speech Bubble Puzzle and Discussion
When conflict flares, keep calm and stand your ground

Most adults don’t like dissension. They avoid it, try to get around it, under it, or over it.

The colorful Nyhavn neighborhood is the place to moor on a sunny day in Copenhagen. (Cameron Hewitt)
Rick Steves: Embrace hygge and save cash in Copenhagen

Where else would Hans Christian Andersen, a mermaid statue and lovingly decorated open-face sandwiches be the icons of a major capital?

Last Call is a festured artist at the 2024 DeMiero Jazz Festival: in Edmonds. (Photo provided by DeMiero Jazz Festival)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

Jazz ensemble Last Call is one of the featured artists at the DeMiero Jazz Festival on March 7-9 in Edmonds.

Kim Helleren
Local children’s author to read at Edmonds Bookshop

Kim Helleren will read from one of her books for kids at the next monthly Story Time at Edmonds Bookshop on March 29.

Chris Elliott
Lyft surprises traveler with a $150 cleaning charge

Jared Hakimi finds a $150 charge on his credit card after a Lyft ride. Is that allowed? And will the charge stick?

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.