Not even football could set up the situation more ideally, and this is a sport that begins each game with the ball balanced perfectly on a tee.
The aging, legendary future Hall of Fame quarterback clinging to the final remnants of past glory trying to will his team to victory against the forces of unbridled youth in the golden anniversary edition of the ultimate championship game.
Other than that, Super Bowl 50 really doesn’t offer a whole lot.
If you have a heart — and, perhaps, the early onset of angina — you’re pulling for Peyton Manning against Cam Newton and the Carolina Panthers. Everyone 40 and older is rooting for him, at least according to what I just read on the Twitter.
I suspect even Bill Belichick is on Manning’s side and everyone knows Belichick, where his heart should be, has only a cold, jagged stone.
Yes, if you remember when a hashtag was called a number sign, you’d love to see Manning’s Denver Broncos win because there’s nothing more poignant than a man riding off into forever as a champion.
In fact, these two teams, on the surface, offer such a polarizing generational juxtaposition, that the Broncos should change their name, just for this one matchup, to the Denver Pyles.
Don’t worry. If you’re unfamiliar with that reference, it’s OK. You’re rooting for Newton and the Panthers anyway.
It’s really not this simple, of course, not this black and white, with a touch of gray around the temples.
The Panthers’ roster includes 12-year veteran Jared Allen, an old-guard five-time Pro Bowl defensive end who, before this season, had experienced only a single playoff victory.
The Broncos’ success, as much as on the passing of Manning, could depend on the running of C.J. Anderson, who, during Manning’s rookie season, was only 7 years old.
But it’s much easier and more entertaining to analyze this game in overly simplistic terms, bearing in mind that, if Manning does win, his hamstrings will appear next on “Antiques Roadshow.”
See, Manning is the beloved, dorky everyman who celebrates touchdowns by modestly pumping his fist and then, during the commercial breaks, tries to sell us stuff by being delightfully awkward and convincingly vulnerable.
Newton, in comparison, is the flashy personality who celebrates first downs by pumping his entire body and then, during the commercial breaks, tries to sell us stuff by wearing a cape and playing the part of a superhero.
How’s that for being overly simplistic? For conveniently ignoring the fact Newton, through his various physical expressions, actually appears to be having fun playing a game that was invented for fun in the first place?
You better believe it’s easier to make this Super Bowl about those who grew up thinking a quarterback looks like Johnny Unitas against those who nowadays think a quarterback looks like Johnny Manziel.
But let’s all be honest for a moment. Who doesn’t want to see a decorated all-time great go on top? This is particularly true when given the opportunity to witness the complete opposite, although, frankly, I’ve already written plenty this season about Kobe Bryant and the Lakers.
Remember Jerome Bettis? He retired after his Pittsburgh Steelers won the Super Bowl and in his hometown of Detroit, no less.
Basketball’s Bill Russell retired after winning his 11th NBA title, his final appearance coming in Game 7 against the Lakers in Los Angeles, and how Hollywood is that?
John Elway retired after winning consecutive Super Bowls — he even was named MVP of the second one — and he’s the man now running the Broncos.
Michael Jordan was so ultra-competitive, so committed to experiencing that lasting and permanent moment of euphoria that he retired after winning the NBA championship — twice, in 1993 and again in 1998.
Jordan, naturally, also retired as a failed minor league baseball player and, even worse, a failed Washington Wizard.
But this column is about going out on top, remember, not about going out on the bottom more than the rubbery portion of a pair of Air Jordans.
Although there has been no official acknowledgment, the prevailing theory is that this will be Manning’s final game, particularly if the Broncos win.
After the AFC championship, Manning apparently whispered something to Belichick about a “last rodeo,” and I’m just glad I didn’t have to come up with all the old man cliches for this column.
One last rodeo for the aging cowboy? To be honest, watching Manning struggle physically at times this season, I’m afraid his story ultimately is probably too true to be good.
I’m thinking the Panthers are going to win Super Bowl 50, are going to spoil our perfect ending, that a set up this ideal can’t possibly happen, right?
Then again, the aging cowboy is the one with a horse on his helmet, and horses are the preferred mode of transportation when riding off into a sinking sun.
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