Let’s get straight to our pastime, fun with headlines…
“MLB teams allowed to use iPads in dugout this season”: It’s only fair. How else to stay entertained during a three or four hour game?
“Google to move to new 4-building complex in Amazon’s backyard in Seattle”: Were they were ultimately persuaded after reading an urbanologist’s description of the South Lake Union area as “soulless”?
“Drones In America: 7 million unmanned aircraft to fly in U.S. skies by 2020, FAA says”: Guess it’s time to redo the “Mad Max” post-apocalyptic movie franchise to include more recent scary stuff, which makes the old scary stuff seem pretty tame. Scary.
“Funnel cloud spotted in Snohomish County”: And for a brief moment, everyone’s dog was suddenly named “Toto.”
“Free Internet on cruises? Nevermind, says Royal Caribbean”: The Seattle grunge band Nirvana was hugely influential, and not just musically. Name another group whose album title caused everyone of a generation to repeat a misspelling? Oh, never mind. (And the cruise line naturally changed its announced plan for free Internet when it belatedly realized it could charge $15 a day for it.)
“OSU’s latest crop: Bacon-flavored seaweed”: It may very well be yummy, but it sure sounds super salty, or sodiumy, as the nutritionists say.
“Johnson &Johnson expands project that aims to predict, prevent diseases”: Such as preventing ovarian cancer in women by not using talcum powder?
“Endangered Puget Sound orcas to get personal health records”: The scientists hope it will get the orcas to take active role in their own health care; and allow them access to online test results. The orcas were on board with the new medical portal, or blowhole, as they call it, once they negotiated that there would be no co-pays at any time and that they would like to complement their new health regime with a couple tons of the new condiment, bacon-flavored seaweed.
“North Korea now blocking Facebook, Twitter, other websites”: Which really won’t bother anyone, considering North Korean citizens don’t have access to the Internet. Or anything else, like food. Already starving, North Koreans were recently told to ready themselves for another famine. Like the last one ever stopped. Status: Oppressed, dying.
“Timeline: NCAA calls Zags coach to admit officiating error”: Gosh, what were the odds such a mistake would happen to a scandal-free program, as opposed to their opponent, Syracuse, most recently under investigation for eight years (eight years!) and whose coach, Jim Boeheim, explained it all by saying his program (not him) “broke rules” but did not “cheat.”
“UW women soaking up the spotlight as they prepare for first Final Four trip”: Thanks for the highly entertaining, inspiring, fun run, women! (Prediction: Huskies, 85, Syracuse Orange 72.)
Set a good screen this week.
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472; cmacpherson@heraldnet.com.
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