OK, everybody, jump on that Mariners’ bandwagon! Just be ready to listen to the long-suffering old-timers still mutter stuff about Bobby Ayala. Just put on your beard hat and nod. Let’s balk at the headlines.
“WSU coach Mike Leach endorses Trump”: As a coach at a public university, Leach can do this because his salary is paid for by private supporters, rather than taxpayers. Still, it’s difficult to believe all those private supporters are on board with this very public pronouncement. No worries, however, since his contract runs through 2020… The real concern is that Leach will be tapped to take a spot in Trump’s cabinet, (Attorney General perhaps, since Leach has a law degree) leaving the Cougs coachless.
“Try this: Wild king salmon with savory whipped cream”: Around these parts, that is a culinary crime. It’s also the kind of thing that allows restaurants to serve mislabeled “seafood” by hiding the taste. This is a recipe from the New York Times, (for some reason rerun in a Seattle paper.) NYT’s secondary motto: All the menus not fit to print.
“Study: Acetaminophen dulls your pain — but also your empathy”: Oh, come on. Who cares? Kidding. (Perhaps it’s a partial explanation for online bullies?)
“TSA official received $90K in bonuses as screeners failed”: Just like with the IRS, why is it possible for a government employee to receive a bonus? (On top of $181,500 salary?) Especially after screwing up? What private sector job equates to this? Besides certain handsomely compensated CEOs … Please hand over the acetaminophen bottle.
“For the Record: 180 days ‘til the Electapocalypse”: But. But it’s been going on for about seven years already, right? It’s easy to see how the acetaminophen might be overused.
“Report: U.S. poultry workers forced to wear diapers on job”: Oh, my. Yuck. But, hey, it reminds me: How is King County Metro’s “comfort station coordinator” — hired last year to find easily accessible restrooms after a state Department of Labor and Industries audit found that the agency’s 2,600 drivers were not provided unrestricted access to restrooms and some wore diapers — doing? Has he or she come up with a bathroom app? For $97,000 a year, let’s hope the comfort station coordinator has found a way to retire the diapers.
“Three Sounders pose with strategically placed soccer balls on local magazine cover”: Indeed they do. Raising the question: Who knew Seattle had yet another “lifestyle” magazine? (Called “Ville.”)
“Lawsuit says Starbucks’ iced drinks have too much ice”: And watch out! If you spill it on yourself, it’s cold! The woman behind the suit obviously has a lot of time on her hands, so here’s a proposition for her: I’ll pay her a dollar to count the peanuts in my can of “mixed nuts” that claims to contain “less than 50 percent peanuts.” Then I can sue over too many peanuts, and we can split the loot.
Try to say “Steve Cishek sells seashells at the seashore” three times fast this week…
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472; cmacpherson@heraldnet.com.
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