Living with Children: Rescue yourself, child with regular naptime, bedtime routine

  • By John Rosemond
  • Sunday, May 15, 2016 7:51pm
  • Life

Q: My daughter, who just turned three, has a surge of energy after dinner and can take hours to fall asleep. I try putting her down around 8 o’clock, but there are nights when she doesn’t fall asleep before 10. Sometimes she tells me she’s tired but can’t fall asleep. At other times, she will throw a tantrum before bed. When she stops she’ll say, “I’m done crying, now I can sleep.” In addition, her naps have never been regular. I usually need to put her in the car and take a drive for her to nap. When that works, however, she will wake up too early and start throwing tantrums. When driving around doesn’t work, she falls asleep late in the afternoon and only takes a short nap, which makes it that much more difficult for her to fall asleep at bedtime. She usually gets a total of 9 to 11 hours of sleep a day. Sometimes she’ll wake up in the middle of the night and I have to feed her a snack to get her to fall back to sleep. I think she’s over tired. Any tips on how I can get her sleeping habits on track would be greatly appreciated.

A: That was exhausting to read. I can only imagine how exhausted you must be. My sympathies, but the person causing these problems is you, not your daughter. By driving her around town to help her take a nap, feeding her snacks in the middle of the night, and Lord knows what else, you are doing nothing but making it inevitable that these sleep issues will continue.

First, there’s nothing inherently wrong with a 3-year-old not falling asleep until 10 o’clock. If you simply put her to bed and let her figure out, on her own, how to fall asleep, she will eventually settle into a routine. If she keeps coming out of her room, then cut her door in half (hire a handy-man, if necessary), turn the lock around, and rehang it. That allows her to see out but not come out. If she cries, go back to her door every ten minutes or so and simply reassure her that all is well, but don’t open the door and go in.

Put her to bed with a light on in her room and tell her she can play as long as she wants until she’s ready to sleep. She will eventually fall asleep on the floor at which point you simply go in, pick her up, put her to bed, and tuck her in.

Her “surge of energy” in the evening suggests that you may be letting her consume sugar and/or caffeinated drinks at dinner. If so, you need to cut those out and start letting her get used to water. And needless to say, the home should be calm in the evening, which means no television.

Stop driving her around for naptime. Please don’t take this personally, but that’s insane. Not you . that! At best, you simply rob from Peter to pay Paul. Whether she falls asleep in the car or not, driving her around only leads to other problems later in the evening. When it’s naptime – which should take place at the same time every afternoon, whether she seems “ready” or not – put her in her bed. Set a timer for two hours and put it outside her door. Don’t tell her to fall asleep. Simply tell her that it’s “quiet time” and that she can play or sleep or do whatever she wants to do, but she can’t come out (or you can’t let her out) until the buzzer goes off. If she cries, so be it. The likelihood is that if she learns that you’re not going to rescue her, she will eventually fall asleep.

The bottom line is that you need to help her (and yourself) get into a naptime and bedtime routine. Because of the counterproductive precedents you’ve set, that’s going to take some time, but Rome is never built in a day. I predict this issue will resolve itself in three to four weeks if you stay calm and stick with it.

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Life

Brandon Hailey of Cytrus, center, plays the saxophone during a headlining show at Madam Lou’s on Friday, Dec. 29, 2023 in Seattle, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Lynnwood-based funk octet Cytrus has the juice

Resilience and brotherhood take center stage with ‘friends-first’ band.

FILE - In this April 11, 2014 file photo, Neko Case performs at the Coachella Music and Arts Festival in Indio, Calif. Fire investigators are looking for the cause of a fire on Monday, Sept. 18, 2017, that heavily damaged Case’s 225-year-old Vermont home. There were no injuries, though a barn was destroyed. It took firefighters two hours to extinguish the blaze. (Photo by Scott Roth/Invision/AP, File)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

Singer-songwriter Neko Case, an indie music icon from Tacoma, performs Sunday in Edmonds.

The Moonlight Swing Orchestra will play classic sounds of the Big Band Era on April 21 in Everett. (submitted photo)
Music, theater and more: What’s happening in Snohomish County

Relive the Big Band Era at the Port Gardner Music Society’s final concert of the season in Everett.

2024 Honda Ridgeline TrailSport AWD (Honda)
2024 Honda Ridgeline TrailSport AWD

Honda cedes big boy pickup trucks to the likes of Ford, Dodge… Continue reading

Would you want to give something as elaborate as this a name as mundane as “bread box”? A French Provincial piece practically demands the French name panetiere.
A panetiere isn’t your modern bread box. It’s a treasure of French culture

This elaborately carved French antique may be old, but it’s still capable of keeping its leavened contents perfectly fresh.

(Judy Newton / Great Plant Picks)
Great Plant Pick: Mouse plant

What: Arisarum proboscideum, also known as mouse plant, is an herbaceous woodland… Continue reading

Bright green Japanese maple leaves are illuminated by spring sunlight. (Getty Images)
Confessions of a ‘plantophile’: I’m a bit of a junky for Japanese maples

In fact, my addiction to these glorious, all-season specimens seems to be contagious. Fortunately, there’s no known cure.

2024 Hyundai IONIQ 6 Limited (Hyundai)
2024 Hyundai IONIQ 6 Limited

The 2024 Hyundai IONIQ 6 Limited is a sporty, all-electric, all-wheel drive sedan that will quickly win your heart.

The 2024 Dodge Hornet R/T hybrid’s face has the twin red lines signifying the brand’s focus on performance. (Dodge)
2024 Hornet R/T is first electrified performance vehicle from Dodge

The all-new compact SUV travels 32 miles on pure electric power, and up to 360 miles in hybrid mode.

chris elliott.
Vrbo promised to cover her rental bill in Hawaii, so why won’t it?

When Cheryl Mander’s Vrbo rental in Hawaii is uninhabitable, the rental platform agrees to cover her new accommodations. But then it backs out. What happened?

Dominic Arizona Bonuccelli
Tangier’s market boasts piles of fruits, veggies, and olives, countless varieties of bread, and nonperishables, like clothing and electronics.
Rick Steves on the cultural kaleidoscope of Tangier in Morocco

Walking through the city, I think to myself, “How could anyone be in southern Spain — so close — and not hop over to experience this wonderland?”

Don’t blow a bundle on glass supposedly made by the Henry William Stiegel

Why? Faked signatures, reused molds and imitated styles can make it unclear who actually made any given piece of glass.

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.