Alice, you’re always welcome to clean my house

My house is never ready for company unless I clean right before you get there.

Actually, I take that back. If my kids are spending the night with Grammy and Papa, our house looks pretty darn good. Add our offspring to the equation, and be careful that you don’t trip over toys as you cross the threshold.

What I really need is a full-time housekeeper like Alice from “The Brady Bunch,” a television show that continues to mess with my mind.

“The Brady Bunch” normally gets a lot of flak for presenting an unrealistic depiction of blended families.

I think it deserves even harsher criticism for its imaginative description of home economics. How many people do you know who have a full-time housecleaner like Alice?

Melinda Gates, please put your hand down.

Part maid, part cook, part personal shopper, Alice keeps the Brady household humming.

All Carol Brady has to do is keep track of six kids. That should be a piece of cake! Especially since Carol has such a sweet station wagon to drive them around to all of their activities like football, student council, debate, singing, Scouts and drama club.

Fun, right?

Both Alice and Carol have the comfort of knowing that Mike Brady’s job as an architect pays enough money to support nine people in comfortable style. Their mortgage is never underwater, and I bet they all have health insurance, too.

When Mike Brady gets home from work he can count on the house being clean, dinner being served, and homework being finished and corrected.

That leaves him plenty of time to head to his den and check his email. Oh, wait! Email isn’t invented yet. What’s Mike doing in there anyway? Relaxing?

I can be Carol and I can be Alice, but I can’t be Carol and Alice at the same time.

Either I can keep my house spanking clean and feed my family nutritious meals (like Alice) or I can be a super awesome and attentive mom (like Carol).

But I can’t pack lunches, volunteer at school, run to the grocery store, pay bills, dash to preschool, take my daughter to the park, rush home to the bus stop, check homework, feed everyone dinner before soccer practice and also manage to vacuum. (Unless I turn on Roomba that is.)

Working moms are probably thinking I’m pretty pathetic right now. Go ahead and judge me because I amaze myself with my own slovenliness at times. I just emptied the dishwasher an hour ago, and it’s already time to reload!

Don’t even get me started on my rant about cleaning the toilet and little boys …

My hat is off to all working women for keeping the workplace a friendly place for women and forging new opportunities for our daughters.

I bet working moms wish they had an Alice just as I do. Coming home from the office to Carol Brady might be handy, too. Especially when Peter has a volcano project due tomorrow at school that he forgot to tell you about until now.

Jennifer Bardsley is an Edmonds mom of two and blogs at teachingmybabytoread.blog.com.

More in Life

Hear new songs from Josh Clauson at Saturday release party

The producer of the Summer Meltdown music festival and Flowmotion band leader has a solo album out.

Get schooled on Texas BBQ at this Monroe restaurant in a bus

Brisket, pulled pork, sausage, chicken and the fixin’s all await you near the Reptile Zoo on U.S. 2.

Spy comedy ’Kingsman: The Golden Circle’ is laugh-out-loud funny

It’s a superficial but energetic sequel to the 2014 film about a clandestine British secret service.

39th annual Arts of the Terrace attracts regional artists

The Mountlake Terrace juried show features paintings, drawings, photography, miniatures and more.

Ben Stiller was born to play title character in ‘Brad’s Status’

Writer-director Mike White’s script has plenty of Brad’s voiceover, so this movie feels like a novel.

See both versions of ‘The Odd Couple’ on Historic Everett stage

The Outcast Players perform Neil Simon’s classic comedy with alternating male and female casts.

The ‘Whimsical Woman’ shares what she learns on the trail

Jennifer Mabus came here from Nevada and Hawaii. She leads hikes and blogs about them.

‘Friend Request’ a horror flick about the dangers of Facebook

Though it’s a little behind the times, Simon Verhoeven’s film about social media is effectively done.

Branch out: ‘Tasting Cider’ recipes call for hard apple cider

Top cider makers share how they like to make hush puppies, bread pudding and the pear-fect cocktail.

Most Read