De Niro-led cast can’t make ‘The Family’ work

Robert De Niro, Michelle Pfeiffer and Tommy Lee Jones revisit some blasts from their pasts in “The Family,” a violent action comedy about a mob family in France thanks to the witness protection program.

De Niro does a little “Analyze This” as Giovanni Manzoni, who ratted out his mob pals back in Brooklyn and now has a $20 million price on his head.

He is, he narrates, “a nice guy” who just has to control “my sadistic urges” better. He’s prone to beating people senseless or to death over things like poor service, “disrespect” and the like. And he’s in France.

Funny.

Pfeiffer tones down her “Married to the Mob” turn as Maggie, the long-suffering wife, moving to yet another town where these people — “The Blakes,” they’re called this time — need to fit in. But her encounters with rude French salesclerks bring out the practicing pyromaniac in her.

Their kids — Belle (Dianna Agron) and Warren (John D’Leo) — have another high school to reconnoiter, master and have their way with.

And Jones is a milder-mannered version of his U.S. marshal characters as a government agent who tries to keep these four alive, and keep the incidents with the locals to a minimum.

As the Blakes set up shop in small-town Normandy, Gio, or “Fred,” decides he’ll write his memoirs. His cover story now is that he’s “a writer.”

Warren, 14, is bullied, but born to work the angles until he’s had his revenge. And Belle is a streetwise bombshell who sets her sights on her first-ever sexual conquest.

And even though the cast is first rate, “The Family” tends to lurch between laughs, with the most reliable humor coming from the Blakes’ over-the-top violence as a way of solving every problem.

De Niro is the funniest he’s been since the “Analyze” series, and one scene — he’s invited to be a guest speaker at a film society — manages huge laughs based on his past filmography.

Director Luc Besson established his action cred decades ago but nobody ever accused Monsieur Luc of having any flair for comedy. The backhanded slaps at French snootiness, softness and overrated cuisine aren’t particularly funny.

Besson aims his movie at anyone who’s ever held a grudge at an ill-mannered French waiter or clerk (haughty, and by the way, they would never condescend to speak to you in English).

If you like your wish fulfillment payback served with a baseball bat, “The Family” is the French travelogue for you.

“The Family” (two stars)

A stellar cast — Robert De Niro Michelle Pfeiffer, Tommy Lee Jones — can’t save this uneven comedy about a mob family in witness protection in France. The violence is over the top. With Dianna Agron, Jon D’Leo.

Rated: R for violence, language and brief sexuality.

Showing: Alderwood 7, Everett Stadium, Galaxy Monroe, Marysville, Stanwood, Oak Tree, Pacific Place, Sundance, Woodinville, Cascade, Oak Harbor.

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