Guy Fieri: the unwitting poet laureate of the bar and grill

  • By L.V. Anderson Slate
  • Thursday, April 24, 2014 3:12pm
  • Life

The food blog, Eater, unveiled the menu for Guy Fieri’s Vegas Kitchen &Bar earlier this month, and it is chockablock with “wow-sabi cream,” “gnarly Greek salad,” and “Guy’s famous donkey sauce.” It’s also chockablock with exclamation points: 21 of them, by my count, starting with the very first item on the menu. (Sashimi Won-Tacos are allegedly “Everyone’s fave ‘cuz they’re wicked tasty!”)

But would Fieri’s menu sound quite as jocular without all those excitable punctuation marks? When I started taking the exclamation points out, I discovered that some of Fieri’s descriptions of greasy bar food convey a powerful poignancy.

The following poem is comprised of 10 of the exclamations from the Guy Fieri’s Vegas Kitchen &Bar menu. The sentences have been copied verbatim, except that their exclamation points have been replaced with other punctuation. I call it “Ode on a Gnarly Greek Salad.”

Ode on a Gnarly Greek Salad, By Guy Fieri

Truffle, truffle + more truffle,

Love, peace &taco grease.

They might not end the world, but they’ll end your hunger.

We have built this salad in a crown of prosciutto-wrapped smoked provolone:

Go big or go home.

All our richly marbled 100% USDA choice ground beef is smash-grilled

Try Guy’s blue-sabi sauce to put out the fire.

We make these wings a flavorful phenomenon with a sweet + spicy sauce that

Will make your head spin.

This one packs a punch.

Come Fieri walk with me

Read the Eater blog’s take on the menu of Guy Fieri’s Las Vegas restaurant at tinyurl.com/EaterGuyFieri.

More in Life

‘Last Jedi’ is the best ‘Star Wars’ movie since the first one

This instant-classic popcorn movie makes clever references to the past while embracing the new.

‘The Shape of Water’: 1950s creature feature meets 2017 allegory

Director Guillermo del Toro’s allegory bears his fetishes for monsters and surrealistic environments.

‘Ferdinand’ a modern take on the beloved children’s story

The lovable bull is back in an enjoyable but spotty animated film from the makers of “Ice Age.”

Art mimicks reality in engrosing ‘On the Beach at Night Alone’

The Korean film tells the story of an actress recovering from an affair with a married director.

Everett’s Michael ‘Scooby’ Silva is the leader of the (dog) pack

Since 2012, he’s built a thriving business walking dogs while their owners are at work.

Student winners to perform concertos with Mukilteo orchestra

This annual show is a partnership with the Snohomish County Music Teachers Association.

Red wine usually costs more, but you can still find bargains

Here are five good-quality reds that won’t drain your grocery budget.

Beer of the Week: Skull Splitter and Blood of My Enemies

Aesir Meadery of Everett and Whiskey Ridge Brewing of Arlington collaborated to make two braggots.

Booze notebook: Scrappy Punk marks first year in Snohomish

The latest on Snohomish County’s breweries, wineries and distilleries.

Most Read