By Joe Gross Austin American-Statesman
“Machete kills,” U.S. President Rathcock says during, um, “Machete Kills.” “That’s what he does.” So, no false advertising here, folks.
Say what you will about junky genre pictures with leaps in logic, ultra-violence and one impossible thing after another, such movies harness cinema’s more overwhelming qualities better than most well-meaning indie flicks about things like “real people” and “relationships.”
But don’t go to Robert Rodriguez’s “Machete Kills” expecting deep thoughts on anything. At all.
Shot in 29 days with a “script” by Kyle Ward from a story by Rodriguez, “Machete Kills” stars the always-entertaining Danny Trejo as the titular ex-Federale and “enemy of the cartels.”
The second movie in the series (which sprang from a fake trailer that Rodriguez cut for his movie “Grindhouse”) follows the man with the giant knife on a mission on behalf of the American government.
After a rough ambush, Machete is saved from lynching down South by a timely phone call from Rathcock (Carlos Estevez, otherwise known as Charlie Sheen), who needs him to stop a Mexican madman with a bomb.
Said madman, Mendez, played by Mexican actor Demian Bichir, who is best known to American audiences for his terrific turn as Juarez police detective Marco Ruiz in the FX TV program “The Bridge.”
Bichir, all squints and rat-like faces, nearly scampers away with “Machete Kills.” Revolutionary sometimes, violent lunatic other times, spy now and then, Bichir’s Mendez is over the top.
The other standout is Chilean martial artist Marko Zaror as the bad guy’s enforcer named — wait for it — Zaror.
Dude is over 6 feet tall but moves incredibly fast, like a much smaller man, and his combat scenes are genuinely thrilling to watch.
Things explode, heads are removed, and mayhem ensues. Also, a guy in a business suit and a Mexican wrestling mask shoots a laser gun, so you can check that off your cinematic bucket list.
Look for Amber Heard as Miss San Antonio, Machete’s government handler (as it were); Sofia Vergara as a deadly brothel madam (is there any other kind?); and cameos by Cuba Gooding Jr., Walt Goggins and Lady Gaga.
Oh, and Mel Gibson plays Voz, the big bad guy, and given his politics, none of his dialogue seems that bonkers.
What is most fun about “Machete Kills” is its sense of itself. It is the most comic-booky movie you will see this year, far more so than the superhero fare that takes its own plotting entirely too seriously.
“Machete Kills” 3 stars
An over-the-top comic book movie starring Danny Trejo as a former Federale needed to stop a madman. It’s frank about its violence, thrilling to watch and features appearances by Charlie Sheen, Amber Heard, Mel Gibson, Sofia Barga, Walt Goggins and Lady Gaga.
Rated: R for violence, language and sexual content.
Showing: Everett Stadium, Galaxy Monroe, Marysville, Pacific Place, Sundance, Thornton Place.