When Mom can’t get kids to flush, maybe Santa can

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas this year is for my kids to flush the toilet. Yes, I know I’m their mother and teaching them life skills is really my jurisdiction. But don’t you think I’ve tried?

Isn’t it enough that I potty-trained them? They even wash their hands! I don’t know why this toilet flushing business is so tricky.

For a while there when they were younger, it was actually kind of convenient. “OK,” I’d think. “The pipes are working. Good to know.” Sometimes my husband liked to freak me out by feeding them beets. But now it’s just disgusting.

I don’t know why I’m telling you this, Santa. I guess I thought since you have all those elves you’d understand.

Be honest, Santa. Haven’t you ever walked into the elf washroom in the middle of the day and thought, “Rudolph’s whiskers! Where did those sparkles come from? Why can’t those little sprites remember to flush?”

I bet you and Mrs. Claus argue about it all the time. “Why won’t your elves ever flush the toilet?” you say.

My elves?” she shoots back. “You’re the one who wanted a toyshop!”

And what about the reindeer? I bet they’re always leaving you surprises, too. Especially Blitzen.

Santa, as you well know, it’s not just little people who have toilet flushing problems. My husband once had a roommate who was a Gonzaga graduate. “Jim” never flushed either. (To be fair to Gonzaga, he was probably the only alumnus with this issue.) Still, it leaves me to wonder. Everyone knows that Jesuits are super serious about education. So if they couldn’t teach that guy to flush, how was his mother supposed to?

In fact, if you search through your mailbag right now, Santa, there might even be a letter from Jim’s wife. It’ll be the one that says, “Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is for my husband to flush the toilet. Don’t blame Jim for this bad habit. My mother-in-law was a really incompetent parent.”

OK, I might be incompetent, too, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t tried. That’s why I need you to please sprinkle some of your Santa magic over the bathroom when you visit our house this year. Otherwise, years from now, you’ll be having this same conversation with my future son- and daughter-in-law.

I’m on the nice list, remember? I spent 4 1/2 years changing diapers. I even slogged through with cloth! That’s why I need a Christmas miracle, direct from the North Pole.

Please help me, Santa. My only other hope is the Easter Bunny, and everyone knows that rabbits are really messy.

Jennifer Bardsley is an Edmonds mom of two and blogs at http://teachingmybabytoread.blog.com.

More in Life

Andrea Rosen, mother of two, quit eating sugar more than 1,000 days ago. (Kevin Clark / The Herald)
How kicking her sugar habit changed a Mill Creek mom’s life

Andrea Rosen quit eating sweets 3 years ago, lost weight, felt better and her family also benefited.

Mark Ellinger works with fire to create unique texture and color on a float. (Dan Bates / The Herald)
Glass Quest: Find clue balls to trade in for hand-blown floats

The ninth annual Great Northwest Glass Quest is on Camano Island and in Stanwood through Feb. 25.

See migrating snow geese at birding festival next weekend

The Port Susan Snow Goose Festival in Stanwood features speakers, bus tours and kids activities.

Mixer vs. maker: War for counter space is like Game of Thrones

Is there a correlation between weight gain and the small appliances we keep on our kitchen counters?

Welsh revival: Cardiff sheds rust-belt past for glossy future

Just an hour from major English destinations such as Bath and the… Continue reading

The farm-to-table concept in an easy-to-grow container garden

Through container gardening, you can grow edible plants in pots instead of the ground.

How do plants survive freezing temperatures? With genetics

Plants have evolved to tolerate the weather conditions of where they are growing.

Beer of the Week: Scrappy Punk’s Dark English Lager

The Snohomish brewery’s English-inspired lager was created by a first-time brewer.

Barnard Griffin’s award-winning rose is a wine to fall for

Looking for a bottle of vino to go with your Valentine’s Day weekend dinner? Think pink.

Most Read