When Mom can’t get kids to flush, maybe Santa can

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas this year is for my kids to flush the toilet. Yes, I know I’m their mother and teaching them life skills is really my jurisdiction. But don’t you think I’ve tried?

Isn’t it enough that I potty-trained them? They even wash their hands! I don’t know why this toilet flushing business is so tricky.

For a while there when they were younger, it was actually kind of convenient. “OK,” I’d think. “The pipes are working. Good to know.” Sometimes my husband liked to freak me out by feeding them beets. But now it’s just disgusting.

I don’t know why I’m telling you this, Santa. I guess I thought since you have all those elves you’d understand.

Be honest, Santa. Haven’t you ever walked into the elf washroom in the middle of the day and thought, “Rudolph’s whiskers! Where did those sparkles come from? Why can’t those little sprites remember to flush?”

I bet you and Mrs. Claus argue about it all the time. “Why won’t your elves ever flush the toilet?” you say.

My elves?” she shoots back. “You’re the one who wanted a toyshop!”

And what about the reindeer? I bet they’re always leaving you surprises, too. Especially Blitzen.

Santa, as you well know, it’s not just little people who have toilet flushing problems. My husband once had a roommate who was a Gonzaga graduate. “Jim” never flushed either. (To be fair to Gonzaga, he was probably the only alumnus with this issue.) Still, it leaves me to wonder. Everyone knows that Jesuits are super serious about education. So if they couldn’t teach that guy to flush, how was his mother supposed to?

In fact, if you search through your mailbag right now, Santa, there might even be a letter from Jim’s wife. It’ll be the one that says, “Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is for my husband to flush the toilet. Don’t blame Jim for this bad habit. My mother-in-law was a really incompetent parent.”

OK, I might be incompetent, too, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t tried. That’s why I need you to please sprinkle some of your Santa magic over the bathroom when you visit our house this year. Otherwise, years from now, you’ll be having this same conversation with my future son- and daughter-in-law.

I’m on the nice list, remember? I spent 4 1/2 years changing diapers. I even slogged through with cloth! That’s why I need a Christmas miracle, direct from the North Pole.

Please help me, Santa. My only other hope is the Easter Bunny, and everyone knows that rabbits are really messy.

Jennifer Bardsley is an Edmonds mom of two and blogs at http://teachingmybabytoread.blog.com.

More in Life

Shrimp and grits, rendered healthful and Italian? We’re in.

This recipe features a sauce made with olive oil, tomatoes and herbs instead of cheese and cream.

UFO at Paine Field playground was left by an artist — not aliens

The flying saucer at community park in Everett is a cosmic attraction.

Chef James Abbott makes Buck’s peanut butter pie at Buck’s American Cafe in Everett. (Kevin Clark / The Herald)
Fur & Feathers: 4 lovable dogs need homes

Meet Lola, Sadie, Scooter and Chance

Sweet baking tips: How to rescue brown sugar that’s turned hard

Soften the rock solid stuff, then try this recipe for chocolate chunk cookies with sea salt.

Valentina Bogdanova, 74, loves working in the gardens that nearly surround the Bakerview Apartments, where she has lived for 20 years. The units are among 16 affordable and subsidized properties leased to seniors by the Everett Housing Authority. (Dan Bates / The Herald)
As real estate booms, those with fixed-incomes need help

When senior citizens get housing, they are able to ‘age in place.’

Melania Trump to donate inaugural ball gown to Smithsonian

Melania Trump is donating her inaugural ball gown… Continue reading

Harry Potter exhibit marks 20th anniversary of first book

Many of the things Harry Potter fans thought were imaginary were actually based in fact — or folklore.

Visiting Germany’s Lutherland, birthplace of Reformation

The sights include the church where the first Protestant service took place in 1521.

Most Read