A ‘Boy named Sue’ is at least easy to spell

A recent, yet moldy “trend” story tells us that dog and cat owners no longer name their pets traditional pets names such as Fluffy, Rover and Fido.

Duh. Dogs that are dressed in outfits, who go to day care or ride in baby carriages (witnessed in Snohomish) are not going to be called “Spot.” Even the majority of pet owners who don’t mistake their canines for infants prefer what we used to call “human” names. Which makes sense. Some traditional pet names are too common: Call out “Buddy” and you may get many.

The human names used for pets tend to be easy: Max, Lucy, Charlie, Fred, Sam, Molly, etc. Yes, there are those who burden their beast with some pretentious (for a dog) multi-syllablic moniker, “Come here, Is-a-bella.” Except when the precious purebred is found eating out of the garbage. Then the command is “Drop it, Izzy!” No time to be lyrical when the dog is eating butter. It’s the opposite of when a human child misbehaves and a parent uses the child’s full name for effect: “Brittany Celine Jones, walk Isabella!”)

As our pets increasingly receive “human” names, our children are increasingly being saddled, or gifted, depending on your view, with names designed to be “unique.” A family’s cocker spaniels might be Joe and Jane, for example, and the youngsters Lexus (girl) and ESPN (boy).

The most popular baby names in the U.S. are still Jacob, Michael and Joshua for boys and Emily, Emma and Madison for girls. But every parent, teacher and reporter can tell you names are not simple anymore.

“It’s almost as if parents feel like they’ve failed their children if the child walks into a classroom and there’s another kid with the same name,” psychology professor Cleveland Evans, the author of “Unusual &Most Popular Baby Names,” told ABC News.

The professor has found girls named Unique, Armani, Chevy, Celica and Infiniti. Boys’ names include Sincere, Del Monte and Canon (the camera).

“Alternate” spellings are even more fashionable than brand names. Sometimes it’s taking a traditional name and making it “unique.” Doesn’t little Joo`lee feel special? Sometimes it’s spelling a word backward, like “Nevaeh.” Studies show these odd spellings, why unique, don’t help the child. People think that Sharel’s parents don’t know how to spell. Children with “creative” (ahem) names will spend a lifetime correcting the pronunciation and/or spelling.

Do your child a favor. Do the teachers a favor. Name your child a nice, traditional name. A pet’s name, for example.

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