Jon Bauer, Herald staff
Relax; it wasn’t Phil: Police in Punxsutawney, Pa., charged a man with public drunkenness after he was seen along a highway trying to give mouth-to-snout resuscitation to a possum that had been dead, a trooper said, for a while.
Henceforth, the level of intoxication just before losing consciousness will be known as “drunk enough to kiss a roadkill possum.”
Font of knowledge: A Wisconsin college says it thinks it will save money by switching to a different font when printing out e-mails because the new font will use 30 percent less ink.
The college found it could save another 20 percent on ink if everybody stopped putting “don’tcha know” at the end of sentences.
Ooh, dust for me, baby: America’s first legal male prostitute has left a rural Nevada brothel after attracting fewer than 10 paying customers in two months.
It wasn’t the lack of female customers that caused him to reconsider, the “prostitude” said, but the kinky things the women wanted to watch him do, including washing dishes, vacuuming drapes and folding clothes.