Let’s do a little reading between the headlines:
“Bellevue’s bikini baristas long gone”: The tony city can relax. It turns out that Knotty Bodies Espresso was located in an area of town that doesn’t allow drive-through businesses. (Plus, there’s that “no vulgarity” clause in the city charter.) (The coffee hut was supposed to look like a little log cabin, we think. Either way, “knotty bodies” don’t really sound sexy, except maybe to those mean trees in the “Wizard of Oz.”)
“Nevermind April in Paris; go there in winter”: Despite the huge influence of the band Nirvana, and its highly influential and popular 1991 album, “Nevermind,” the fact remains that the phrase “never mind” is two words.
(Speaking of influencing the language, Nirvana can also be credited with the rise of the use, or rip-off of, a single, inspired word — “contagious” — by other bands after its use in the song “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” The lyric: “I feel stupid and contagious/Here we are now, entertain us.”)
“Another sexually-charged cougar cruise? Not on Carnival, line says”: USA Today reports there will be no more “cougar cruises” at the line, despite what is reported to be huge demand for the voyages. Carnival “banned the concept” after the “world’s first cougar cruise” last month.
The controversial escapade, which took place Dec. 4-7 on the Carnival Elation, was aimed at older women — “cougars,” in contemporary lingo — who pursue younger men, according to USA Today. (You know what they call older men who pursue younger women? That’s correct — men.)
So what went wrong on the voyage, called “The International Cougar Cruise” and organized by a travel company and a singles group? The organizers said they sold all their tickets and had a lengthy waiting list.
USA Today reports that “details were scanty” as to what happened onboard and why the future will hold no more cougar cruises, despite the demand.
Gosh, could it be that the cruise was dominated by females, who, it turns out, weren’t particularly excited about meeting other cougars? Rahr! Cat fight!
Perhaps Carnival could instead capitalize on its nautical nature, and simply have a good, old-fashioned “International Knotty Bodies Cruise.”