Altered states

Now sober as a Monday morning mayor: Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, the politician who admitted smoking crack cocaine while in a “drunken stupor,” returned to work Monday after a two-month stint in rehab.

Ford says he has not abandoned his effort to seek a second term in October, a re-election campaign apparently based on the hope that enough Toronto voters will cast their ballots while in a drunken stupor.

South county oasis: People come from miles around to fill their water jugs at an artesian well in Lynnwood. Many believe the water possesses health-giving properties.

Unfortunately, the water does nothing to lower the blood pressure spikes that happen when the red light camera ticket arrives in the mail.

Don’t know much about history: On this day in 1984, the Motion Picture Association of America established the “PG-13” rating.

As everyone knows, PG-13 means “lots of people die, but none of them are naked.”

— Mark Carlson, Herald staff