When the mountains are out around here, it’s perfectly natural to go all “Sound of Music” on everyone. These are a few of our favorite headlines:
•”300,000 Kaiser patient files kept in party planner’s warehouse, home computers”: The situation came to light when dozens of people were invited to celebrate their 50th birthdays at the Bubbly and Black-Tie Colonoscopy Ball hosted at the Kaiser Hilton.
”Students rush to Web classes, but profits may be much later”: Despite being “institutions of higher learning,” universities and colleges that offer free classes apparently have been studying the newspaper model of online business.
”Work out to the music of ‘Les Miz’”: And then have a good cry? Or is the point to sweat so much you can’t cry?
”Man crashes car into fast-food chain, then orders pizza” and “Man hit by bus walks to Starbucks, tries to order coffee”: Further proof that football players (and other athletes and the secretary of state) really, really need to be checked for a concussion after a big hit or fall, especially if they insist that they are all right.
”Golfer tracks iPhone stolen by raccoon”: Sounds like material for an updated version of the silly movie “Caddyshack.” (“It’s about time somebody teaches these varmints a little lesson about morality and about what its like to be a decent, upstanding member of a society!”)
”Quentin Tarantino bristles over questions about on-screen violence”: The director launched into an irritated rant during an interview on a British TV news, refusing to answer a question about violence in his films and angrily telling a journalist, “I am not your slave.” Tarantino, of course, doesn’t have to answer anything he doesn’t want to — he’s on record that on-screen violence does not promote real violence — but losing his temper over his right not to talk about it seems to undermine his argument a little bit…
”Idaho senator pleads guilty to drunk driving”: Just when you thought you’ve heard every DUI story. Mike Crapo was safely ensconced in his Washington D.C. house where he said he drank “several, probably two to three” vodka tonics. He later became restless, couldn’t sleep and went out for a drive. The night of his arrest was the first time he had driven drunk, Crapo said. Wow. What incredibly bad luck to get the nabbed the first time. Perhaps he had driven “restless” before, but didn’t realize it also requires a designated driver.
”We’re now one step closer to America’s coming civil war”: Just a fun example of why some people think all the dire political rhetoric can be over-the-top and unhelpful.
If the “Sound of Music” fails you, go ahead and quote “Caddyshack” this week. (“You’re rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body.”)