Apple polisher

A chicken in every pot and an iPhone in every pocket: Apple is set to release its latest version of its popular iPhone today, and if it meets expectations, one market analyst predicts that iPhone 5 sales could on their own boost the U.S. gross domestic product by 0.5 percent, pumping $3.2 billion into the economy (Page F1).

Impressed with what Apple has done for the U.S. economy, President Barack Obama announced that if he wins re-election he’ll replace his top economic advisers with Siri.

Gee, Your Bed Bugs Smell Terrific: The Federal Trade Commission have filed deceptive advertising charges against two companies that market products that promise to eliminate or repel bed bugs using cinnamon, lemongrass and cedar oil (Page F1).

The companies agreed to stop claiming their products kill or repel bed bugs. But the companies can say their products “leave your bed bugs with soft, managable thoraxes.”

Kris Jenner’s Plastic Surgery: The Healing Begins: Instead of broadcasting a moment of silence at 8:48 a.m. Tuesday as other networks had done to mark the 11th anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks, NBC’s “Today” show kept up with the Kardashians by interviewing Kris Jenner about her breast augmentation surgery (Page A2).

As impressive as Jenner’s figure may now be, the biggest boobs are still the “Today” show producers.

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