By Carol MacPherson
Seasoned Northwesterners know that a sprinkling of rain is the not-so-secret ingredient to barbecue around these parts. Let’s grind some fresh pepper on the headlines:
“The latest in wearable tech: smart shirts”: Until said shirt can prevent an oncoming stain, barbecue sauce or otherwise, it really can’t be considered that smart to messy people. Sure, it’s monitoring your vital signs, but your blood pressure only went up because you spilled coffee on your white shirt.
The seller of the shirts wants to expand his “smart” brand to other clothing items. “One day, you’ll go the store and buy socks, underwear, bra, etc.,” OMSignal co-founder Stephane Marceau says. “You won’t even ask, it will be a connected device. It helps you live a fitter, happier, healthier life. This is just the first step.”
It remains to be seen how many people really want their underwear to be smart, let alone “connected.”
“Expect an ‘Internet of Things’ Explosion by 2025”: This article harkens to the smart underwear idea, “when people will be wearing sensors at all times and entire homes will be linked through common gadgets.” Hmm. And here I thought Amazon.com and most of the rest of the Internet already achieved the coveted “Internet of Things” status.
“Ads on your fridge? Google says it could happen”: The King of the Internet of Things wants ads on car dashboards, watches and refrigerators. For the serfs in the kingdom, the word “revolt” works in all definitions here.
“Multimillion-dollar yacht launched, then sinks in Anacortes”: Hate it when that happens. Hope they kept the warranty.
“Letterman: ‘I feel bad about my role’ in humiliating Lewinsky”: Yep, nothing like having one’s own highly publicized sex scandal to help one cultivate some empathy, and/or karma.
“Driver hits mother seal on Washington beach”: We are an environmentally minded state, most people would agree. So why we allow this anachronistic practice, er, “time-honored tradition” is difficult to comprehend. Keeping sand out of your smart underwear isn’t reason enough.
“Burger King scrapping ‘Have It Your Way’ slogan”: They changed it to the grammatically challenged “Be Your Way.” It sounds like a collision of “Go your own way”, “I did it my way”, and “Be here now.” Or something. Like, “Be on your way.”
“FBI director: Agency revisiting marijuana prohibition … for FBI hackers”: FBI Director James Comey said: “I have to hire a great work force to compete with those cyber criminals and some of those kids want to smoke weed on the way to the interview,” according to the Wall Street Journal. Just when all seems lost, the Internet of Things offers up some comic relief.
“For tuxedos, blue is the new black”: Well, by that they mean dark blue or super dark gray, not the iconic, Be Your Way powder blue tuxedos of the 1970s, which will never be “the new black.” Or smart or connected. Or fashionable.
“?‘Don’t wash your jeans’ says Levi’s CEO”: Unless, you know, you don’t happen to work in a cushy office.
Will your smart bra get full coverage under the First Amendment?
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472, firstname.lastname@example.org